Little potato

Got soaked on the two minute walk to school. Got in and made Hazel a hot water bottle, got her snuggled under a blanket. She asked me to put on the record of little potato, a song I used to sing to the girls when they were babies, and we shared a piece of marmite toast. Felt happier than I have in ages. The best things in life are free. 

 You're my little potato, you're my little potato,

You're my little potato, they dug you up,
You come from underground,

The world is big, so big, so very big
To you, it's new, it's new to you.

You're my little potato, you're my little potato,
You're my little potato, they dug you up,
You come from underground.

Let's talk about root crops (they dug you up),
And lamb chops (they chew on you),
And things to eat... like apples
And cheese and 'nanas and cream,
Jellies and butter,
It's late at night, I hope this little bottle helps you go to sleep.

They must have grown you wild,
You make a grown man a child,
I'll go and play in the mud
To be with you my spud (potato).
When you came out looking red as a beet,
You had wrinkles on the bottoms of your feet!

Oh, you are so sweet potato!
You're my sweet potato,
You're my sweet potato, dug you up
You come from underground.

You smile, a smile, a little smile
The world is small, so small, it's very small

You're my little potato, you're my little potato,
You're my little potato, they dug you up,
You come from underground

You're my little potato, you're my little potato,
You're my little potato!

Mythologies

 I deleted Instagram off of my phone this week, just in case I wasn't flying under the radar enough as it is. I found that I was mindlessly browsing it more and more, hardly uploading anything, and when I was it was just because I felt I should. Rather than prompting me to get in the studio, I think it made me less creative as I felt I had to exclusively make things that were good enough for Instagram. And basically, among all of the various bad things going on, money troubles and loneliness, I know that social media is not the answer, and it's just aspirational poison.

Anyway that's probably enough of that.

I finished my niece's Cardigan yesterday so that's ready to wrap up and give to her for her birthday next week. I will make one for my other niece's birthday in September, and then my mum has asked me to make her another aran jumper ready for autumn, which I will enjoy.

I watched the film Viva by Anna biller this week. I've been meaning to watch it for years as I'm a big fan of the love witch. I find it so exciting when I come by a filmmaker or artist who has such a complete vision for their work, and I've never come across someone with so complete a vision as Anna biller. I enjoyed viva, I won't watch it again for a while and it was a bit long and all over the place, but it was so rich and visually beautiful, and uncanny. It is good when you find an artist you can be really jealous of. 

I am desperate to put more time into my painting, I am the queen of the half finished project. For the last year I have been working, and am still working, on a series of paintings. Maybe this year I can finally get my teeth into it and feel like I can call myself an artist again. 

Bargains

 Nearly at the end of our no spend /low spend month, but there is another to follow as we have the other half of that bill to pay, as well as hazels birthday in July and ivy's at the beginning of August. Sometimes it feels relentless and I have to remind myself that we are the lucky ones, we are not poor, we just have a big bill to pay that we hadn't accounted for. All we are is silly.

I have had one final unnecessary spend this month- I have been trying to knit and crochet just from my stash this month, which has been good, but I have been starting to run a bit low, and have completely run out of aran, so although I shouldn't have really I had a quick look on gumtree to see of anyone was selling any bundles. Luck would have it there was a lady selling two bin bags for £20,which included lots of aran and even a couple of nearly full 400g balls.

So I gave myself a break from my little niece's Cardigan and crocheted myself a Cardigan using one of the yokes I had already made. There wasn't quite enough of one colour so I did myself some fancy sleeves.

Now I must get on and finish my niece's Cardigan, although to be honest all there is left to do is the button band.

Will found us another bargain. When he was dropping off some rubble at the tip he hoiked a couple of concrete troughs out of the skip. We removed the rocks that were concreted across the top of our front wall, so this weekend will bolted the new troughs on instead. It's much friendlier.

Now I've got a day of housework ahead of me, I've let it get on top of me for too long. I distantly remember there was once a time when I had a clean house, and that felt good. 

Wish me luck. 

Studio time

 I've spent some time in the studio this week, trying to get it a bit tidier in there and also getting back to a bit of painting, it's been months.

I had a talk with Will this week about September when Hazel goes to school full time, and what my options are, and we have both decided that for now it is the best thing for me to stay at home. I have a lot of interests and need a bit of time to untwist after the last few years. I like being a housewife and we run smoothly as a family with one of us earning and the other running the house. I am hoping to get back into my art, maybe eventually look at showing again, or markets and I have also been wondering about making something to sell, either crochet or something new. 

Dyeing for something to talk about

 It's been a little quiet around here since the drama of the weekend.

We have a wedding to go to in a couple of weeks and I had an old dress I wanted to wear as it is comfortable, smart, quite unassuming, and it fits. It was also white. I knew I had a box of green dylon hanging around, and although the dress was polyester it did say on the box that polyester was fine you would just achieve a lighter shade. Fine. I put the dress in the wash with a white cotton cardi that had a coffee stain on. The cardi came out green, the dress came out grey. Oh.

So I had to break my no spend rule and spent £11 on a bottle of rit dyemore, which is especially for synthetic fabrics. That was fantastic, and although it did damage my dress a little, being essentially cooked, it has dyed really evenly and I will be able to wear it to this wedding now.

I didn't take a before picture, but you can imagine what a white dress looks like. 

I am really pleased, as I will be needing to buy shoes and dresses for the girls who keep insisting on growing, so didn't want to have to sort myself out too. I will try and find a nice pair of flat shoes at a charity shop. I can't be bothered with heels anymore. I am not a short lady anyway.

I have got a crochet project on the go but to be honest it's been a bit of a mistake. It's a vest top with panels of different patterns. I thought it would be a good quick in betweeny project, but I should have payed more attention to the pattern before I started, as as well as the interesting stitches there is also miles of plain dc fabric. I threw in the towel yesterday and have made a start on my little niece's Cardigan as that actually needs doing. I'll come back to the top.

I want and need to lose some weight, generally, and ideally before this wedding. I gained a clear two stone during lockdown, and have only lost half of that. I think with one thing and another I've found it hard to find the incentive. But now my joints are hurting and that's a pretty strong motivation to make a change. I have been trying to adapt my eating habits so I am not grazing but being better at sitting down to eat meals. I am really trying to drink plenty of water, which is one of my biggest issues as I usually exclusively drink coffee, and a little tea, and it's killing me. And I really want to fit in more exercise, in the house, and out walking. Watch this space, I hope if I can get my head sorted I might start to see improvement and feel better really soon.

Ttfn

The pride that comes before a fall

 A bit of a mixed (putting it mildly) sailing experience yesterday. We took the boat out first thing when all looked well, and sailed into the bay for about half an hour, hurrah-ing the weather and having an all round lovely time. Then the wind changed and we started to tilt. I lost my nerve and said we should turn back, we tacked and headed back towards land, but the wind was even stronger behind us and then we were really tilting. I lost the last bit of my nerve and sat on the floor reciting the story of Jesus' disciples waking him in the storm while Will took down the sails and motored us back. The sea by then was really choppy and by the time we got back it was hard going. Our mooring got caught on our keel so we couldn't tie ourselves up, or release our dingy. Will managed to make a bit of slack in the chain with the boat hook, then a wave smashed us and broke the rope on our dinghy, which floated of. Then we floated off. Will tried to catch the mooring and dropped the boat hook while saying I should dive in after the dinghy (fat chance). I managed to get the spare boat hook and snag the dinghy and will motored us back to the mooring. After that whole hoohah the sea was much to rough for us to get off the boat. We waited and waited until finally, luckily, the yacht club brought out the sailing dinghies for racing, and the lifeboat that comes with them. We flagged them over and they taxied us back to land.

It was all in all a funny experience which at the time was definitely the most stressful and traumatic of my life so far - I include childbirth and being chased by large cows with horns in this - but on reflection was just a whole load of bad luck, lack of skill and experience, and failure, mostly on my part, to keep a cool head. Sailing, like life, is a mixed bag. The main thing I learn from this is that you mustn't be afraid to do things. Even if you have a bad experience, life is made of ups and downs, and there will always be good times and bad times. What you can't do is just constant damage control. We learned from experience that this does nothing but make life small and frightening. 

Nice stripes

I finished the stripey Sweater Vest this morning. It was a lovely knit and well within my capabilities which is always nice. I quite fancy adapting it to adult size for myself. Maybe when I've not got any projects lined up. 

 I did offer this vest to my youngest, Hazel. She politely declined and said 'ivy can have all the vests...' She obviously hasn't inherited my fashion sense.

I'll probably get to work on a Cardigan for one of my little nieces next, her birthday is in three weeks, and I would like to make something each for the girls, but perhaps something they don't need like a big cushion or toy. That will have to wait until the end of our no spend month.

I am keen to keep improving my crochet, and especially knitting technique, and gain confidence following patterns, which is something I've always stumbled at. I've improved a lot in the last 6 months.

Ttfn

A walk

 I went for a long ish walk this morning. It's way past time I got some exercise, and I know I need to spend some time away from the house.

Along the beach for an hour. We are so lucky to have this huge bay on our doorstep. 

And back along the cycle track. 

I love these trees. 

Back home - this is the crossing from the beach to where my house is, also on left is the entrance to singleton Park. It's a great place to live. 

I had hoped that going for a walk might lift the fog as it always has in the past, but it didn't. All I got was a sore hip and a stitch. 

I don't know how to think things better, I don't know how to have good thoughts or accept what I can't change. 

We were so damaged in the lockdown. I don't know why we were affected more than some others, but we were. And then we chucked it all out and started again, and that has been a really good thing. And then mum got ill again and all I can think is, it's not fair. I know I need to focus on what I have and what is good, I do know that. But I seem to have arrived at a point where I've become quite numb to all that. I rarely do anything for my own good and when I do I feel horribly guilty. I don't know what I want or need. I drink cup after cup of brutal black coffee and eat pickles and chillis that hurt my mouth. I don't exercise at all, or I do until bits hurt. I mess up again and again. When I think I used to be so optimistic so sharp, it makes me despair. Tell me it gets better. 

Blooming

I thought i would share a couple of pictures from the garden today as it is looking quite lovely. I never would have expected it to look so established in just a few months-we only started sorting it out in earnest at the beginning of spring. Almost all of these plants are brought from our previous house, either frog splitting established plants, taking cuttings or digging up volunteers,i have actually bought only a handful. One of which is this passion flower, one of my favourites and a plant that never survived, let alone thrived in the slightly damper, darker climate of cwmgors. We always joke that Swansea is tropical, but its only a half joke as the weather is so much better here. 

I

I made that skirt I talked about in my last post. I broke my no spend rule to buy some elastic, after I made the waistband on the skirt with elastic I had and found that it just stretched out. My sewing machine also sends to have gone dicky.. Again. Only on the zigzag stitches this time, if anyone has any ideas. Otherwise that will have to go back into the shop next month. I am almost prepared to cut my losses with it and buy a new one. 

Anyway, I am pleased with the skirt and thrilled I didn't give the curtain away. It was only a small panel from our old bathroom so butchered a cotton skirt I had that I didn't really like the cut of to make the bands at the top and bottom. 

 A mum at the school gave me a book of knitting patterns for children's bits and bobs yesterday. It doesn't have many things in likely to make, but a couple of sweet cardigans, and a Sweater Vest I have started on. It is fortuitous timing actually as I think I should give my hands a rest from crochet, and knitting is a little softer on my joints.

Groove on. 

Speedy needles

 

I think I'll take a few days off from crochet now!

I'd love to knock out a skirt from some of my curtain fabric but it's been so long since I've sewn garments without a pattern, I'm scared to mess it up with such precious fabric. Maybe I'll have a look later on.

The weather looks good for sailing this afternoon so that's the plan at the moment.

Keep on grooving. 

Crochet mad

 I'm finding crochet so therapeutic and diverting at the moment that I just can't stop.

As I said we are really trying to do a no spend/very very low spend month, so more yarn is out of the question.

I have made several yokes from aran scraps ready for when I can buy some large balls of aran. I don't really have plans for these jumpers m cardigans, except for one. Some may be gifts. I'm just keeping my hands busy really.

I've pretty much gotten as much as I can from my aran scraps now, so went hunting for a garment pattern for using up small amounts of dk, which wasn't grant squares. I found a free pattern online for a frida kahlo inspired top which looked both fun to make, and like something I would wear.

It has a bib crocheted in the round (or square) which I raced through, and then the back and sides are worked down in panels with, yes, a few, granny squares. In the pattern there are two designs of squares, 4 flowers and 6 hearts, but after making up the heart square I didn't think it was as nice as the flowers, so I am doing alternate coloured flowers. Actually I'm yet to find a heart design granny square pattern that both looks good and is easy enough to follow with consistent results. Maybe it doesn't exist?

Anyway, I'm enjoying this project and it should keep me busy for a week or so. Never underestimate the power of busyness as therapy. Or un-busyness in anxiety, depression and fear. 

I have also found a free pattern for some straight children's trousers so am planning to make some bloomers for the girls similar to mine, and hit the jackpot this week when I found a bag of vintage curtains from our old house, which just didn't suit this one. I thought I'd rehomed them.

Stay busy

Keeping out of trouble

Not a lot going on this week, we had a great time on the boat on Friday. The water was super flat and the weather was beautiful. There wasn't a lot of wind so we motored off the mooring, and then limped about in the bay for an hour or so, tried to catch a breeze to get back in before giving up and motoring back. It was no less wonderful for that though and all good experience. We saw a massive barrel jellyfish swimming and dozens of smaller jellyfish and sea gooseberries. The girls still really enjoy the boat which is a relief and will and I are both getting the hang of the ropes. 

Once back on land the girls asked to walk down to the pier and we had a sorbet and enjoyed some of the jubilee celebrations before heading to the little beach below the pier for a poke around. The tide was out far enough that we could wade to the lighthouse island, which was beautiful, full of wildflowers. I found a large crystal cluster. The tide had gone out further by the time we came back and uncovered several very large starfish, which we took in turns returning to the sea. 

I finished the girls jumpers yesterday, and they are thrilled. In hindsight I could have made them a little longer but I think they'll be perfect for summer, and can make them a longer one when it starts to get cooler. I love them and would like to make one for myself. I have a mountain of projects I would like to get around to. 

After a surprise bill this month (actually, a case of me not reading / misinterpreting an invoice) we are having to be pretty careful, so I am not planning on buying any yarn this month. I have been using up aran scraps to make the yokes for jumper and Cardigan projects I have planned, and if I get really desperate might make a granny square cardi. But the thought of all those ends to tuck in is enough to put me off for now.

Seeing these pictures reminds me that I must do a post about the kitchen which is my ultimate low/no budget bit of home improvement to date. 

At my request will took the front off of our bay window seat, I thought it would be handy storage for the girls toys. It's not very attractive, but I have given it a coat of paint we had in the shed. We can sort something more permanent when we have time and money. 

 Everything is weighing pretty heavy on me at the moment. Just trying to keep busy and positive. Life was so quiet and still for so long, now it seems I'm just bouncing between heaven and hell. Be good to yourselves, be good to each other. This is it.