Granny chic

 I stayed up extra late finishing it, so here is that Cardigan that gave me so much grief. It's not perfect, but I'm pleased and I predict it getting a lot of wear this spring. I also worked out how to do a few things along the way, like crochet button holes and scalloped edging.

Frankencardi & mothers day

Oh I just cannot work out this layout of blogger, why does everything have to be so difficult? Once again, pictures in no particular order as honestly I can't figure out how to change the order!

Like the rest of the country we have had a lovely spell of good weather, a little taste for what spring can be like. A project that has been on the list for a good while is removing the patch of gravel from our garden and replacing it with grass. It is only a little area, but we will get so much more out of the garden if it is green rather than grey! We had already given away quite a bit of gravel to a local bike charity with a muddy path, but had a whole lot more to dig out, so that is what we spent our saturday doing.
I have dug over, flattened, and raked over the patch of earth there about 3 times now, trying to get it as flat as possible in preparation for the turf. Although planting grass seed would be ideal as it is much cheaper, we would like to have the grass ready by the beginning of summer, and also practically keeping the girls out of the garden for any period is hard enough work. Hopefully with the turf it should be less than a month before they are running around again. I will buy and lay it later this week.

This last week I have been working on a crochet cardigan. It actually started as making a few granny squares thinking I could put together a scarf or something to keep me out of trouble, as what I really want to get to work on is some dressmaking. Unfortunately my sewing machine is acting a bit doolally so I have taken it to be repaired, and am still waiting tensely to hear back, so my granny squares became a cardigan instead. It is not finished yet, so I will post a proper picture once it is, but it has been a bit of a labour of love as I have been making it up as I go, and have ending up unpicking, I think, every single part of this cardigan at least once, and one part of it four times. I thought I would give up on it as I've fallen so out of love with it, but I think we've turned a corner now and I'm looking forward to the finished garment. I have made it 3/4 sleeve for spring, and chosen daffodil -y, bluebell-y colours. I have made it a shorter length than I would usually wear as well, and just put buttons at the top as I think this shape will work well with the imaginary dresses I haven't yet made.

On Sunday we went to the National Botanic Gardens and had a picnic, which is pretty much what we do for every special occasion. It's such a beautiful place, and so big you can go again and again and have a different day every time. The weather was lovely, and the girls were enchanted by a patch of woodland full of wood anemones.

Girls stamping down the earth for me to flatten it! Grown ups are too heavy.

I received a beautiful bunch of flowers from my own mother for mothers' day.

And I have had a little twiddle in the studio in a patch of sunshine. I have made a couple of dozen mixed media/inky drawings of seaweed and underwater squishy things. I don't really know what they are or what they are for, if they are just ideas or if they stand alone. I might share a couple soon when I have a better idea of what they are.

 Will gets paid in a couple of days which will be a welcome relief. I have been very uncareful with money lately, and we have a couple of things coming up on the house that need paying for, so we need to seriously tighten our belts. When I remember how well we did in the past on so little money it makes me quite ashamed. I thought I would try and write out a rough meal plan to help with shopping as I think this has been useful in the past, and am planning to do my best just to buy the bare minimum for the forseeable. Reading through past blog entries here has been quite helpful!

I've not checked for typos so apologies. I'm off now as a cup of tea and a quiet house (Will goes to a drumming group on Tuesdays) are beckoning. 

Flotsam and knitwear (photo dump)

I'm not really in the habit of taking lots of photos any more, as my old camera died a while ago, and my laptop is on it's way out. But I thought I would try and catch up on a few things we've been up to in the last month or so. I'm not sure how to move the pictures about, and I don't want to fiddle about too much, so in no real order:

I have been crocheting a few jumpers for the girls. Ivy draws little designs for me and asks me to make them, and I've really enjoyed doing it. She insists everything is done in trebles, which she calls granny squares, as she likes the blankets. I also made this sweater vest, which Will wore once but I think isn't really his thing, so I've been planning to unpick the arms and add sleeves, but my local shop doesn't have the right yarn any more, so that's just waiting for a decision from me.

I have been trying to get to the beach as often as I can, as it is now a very short walk. It is beautiful and peaceful, any time of day. I think I need to make space for more peace and quiet in my life. I have let parenthood train me to always be on edge. Although to be honest I think I was always on edge before then as well really.

We had a new sink put in. It's not very interesting, but has been a really nice thing to do. So much in this house has needed fixing, which has meant that a lot of the things in the house that are quite outdated or tatty have had to be left, which is fine really. But the old sink, which was far too big for the tiny bathroom anyway, had a tiny crack in it, which after being dangled on again and again by Hazel seemed to grow, so we decided to replace it before we are forced to. We chose a tiny cloakroom unit and it is such an improvement. The tiling will have to wait.

More of Ivy's designs. The girls had a day at school where they could dress as superheroes, and as the girls don't watch T.V so haven't really heard of any, I said they could invent one if they would rather. Ivy came up with Love Hero, who goes about the place spreading love much like cupid. Hazel just wanted to be the same as Ivy. I have done a little sewing lately, as I left buying Welsh dresses for St. David's day too late and ended up having to make them, and that, and making the girls their capes as reminded me of how powerful it makes you feel to be able to make clothes. I am going to give me sewing machine a proper looking over and then plan to buy or draught a couple of patterns soon and make some summer dresses for the girls and I. It's been a long time coming.

We have had some sunshine, and also a little oomph to get going on our tiny garden. There is a small patch of gravel which we plan to take out and replace with Turf, but we have sorted out a little patio area which we can sit and eat at, and have completely cleared and planted up the border. When I get the chance I will find some before and after photos as it was quite a different picture when we bought the house.
Although it is far from it now, I can picture this being a really blissful little garden, and we are grateful for it, and certainly very lucky to have it at all in this neighbourhood.

I spent a week knitting the ugliest jumper I have ever seen. The less said the better. I enjoyed doing a bit of knitting, which has also been years, and it was good to practice at following a pattern which has never been my strong suit. The jumper will be warm and I will appreciate it in the winter. But.,. It's pretty horrible.
It matches our scabby old garden furniture though.

I collect things at the beach all the time. My studio probably smells of fish. I plan to do something, at some point. But I don't know what.

 There was something else that I wanted to write about, which is something that I have been turning over a lot in my mind while I was knitting that jumper. It is a little nuanced and quite personal, but as nobody reads this blog any way, I don't think it really matters. The thing is this: I have been feeling really strongly these last few weeks, probably since I began making jumpers for the girls, that I really want to make it a priority to improve my skills with knitting and sewing. I don't know why I haven't quite managed in the past. For whatever reason I have always had the interest, but never found the time of patience. I seem to have more of both now and feel confident that I am able to improve. But I couldn't work on my  knitting without my mind wandering again and again to a dear friend that I had in the village, my first and one of my only proper friends, who is an incredibly skilled knitter and seamstress. She made us an the girls countless beautiful gifts which we treasure and were so grateful for, and I always really admired her skill and generosity. We have moved, and by bad luck I think she has as well, and now I find I have no way to get in touch. I don't have anyone like that in my life now. We don't have family near by. And while I was thinking of all this I realised that I am going to have to step up and be my own Mum now, because I don't have anybody here to lean on or who will look after me. And although I feel quite sad, I am also quite sure that if I let it, it will be the making of me. I have spent a lot of the last few years relying on the kindness of others, and like a plant that has been staked, it has allowed me to become quite weak. I am looking forward to growing strong, growing up.

That's all for now. I've been poorly this last week or too and keep promising myself a rest while both girls are in school.

Big news

We have moved house. Moving isn't really a big deal to everyone, but it is to me. I have lived in 16 houses in my life, and, naively probably, I thought we would stay in the last one for a long time, if not forever. 

 The last time I really used this blog was in 2019 when I was still in my 20s. I turned 30 during lockdown (well, between lockdowns), and it turned out to be a bit of a pivotal moment. Having been miserable for quite a few months we finally went on our delayed holiday to Fishguard, and realised, from the comparison really, how unhappy we had been feeling in Cwmgors. I was also trying to organise a birthday night out for myself, to find that noone cared enough to come. I don't say this out of pity for myself, I'm quite over it now, but it was really important because it made me realise that although I felt like I was quite tied up with the community and had at least a few friends, that was a bit of a delusion. After 4 years I was still a newcomer in a village with little to no community in the first place. Will asked the big question, 'what is there to keep us in cwmgors?' and in the end we couldn't really come up with much. Followed were a couple of miserable months after realising that we had gone after the wrong dream, but also that we really didn't have anywhere else to go. 

Luckily we then visited friends in Swansea, and realised quite suddenly that we could always go back. We swiftly put our house on the market, sold the dear thing very quickly, and were extremely lucky to find a, very very shabby but, affordable house in the exact area we wanted to live. We moved in July last year and are still fixing the poor thing up. 

It is a terraced house in a densely packed studenty area with a postage stamp sized garden, and pretty much the opposite of everything we ever dreamed of, but so far seems to be the right fit.We are a 5 minute walk from the beach and the parks, on the same road as the girls school, Will and the girls get out to clubs and are meeting friends, and people say hi to me in the street. The move hit Ivy and I the hardest, and honestly we are still healing, but we are getting there. I have lost a lot, all really, of my confidence. But I have faith now that things can get better. 

There isn't a loot of extra time, especially now, after taking a break over winter, I am getting back to the renovating/decorating. But with a smaller garden to worry about I am finding that there is more time for fun, and I have even been getting back to doing a little sewing, knitting and crochet. I have a few projects lined up and I am looking forward to getting better at things. 

I have had my bike repaired (easier to do in Swansea) and cycle to town to do my shopping in the market now. It is much easier to buy locally and low/zero waste, and these things seem to matter more now that I'm not surrounded by a culture of apathy. 

I lost my studio in the garden of course, but this house is bigger than our last one and I have a room in the house to use for my studio, so I am planning to start making art again in earnest, especially once Hazel is full time in school in September. 

Now that we are over the hump I am trying to make it a priority to get healthy, cut down on drinking, which honestly has become a bit of a crutch in the last couple of years, meet some new friends, get out to the beach lots, swim in the sea, make clothes, make art, actually enjoy my life again. 

Also, we bought a boat.

I am hoping that with all that's going on I will find the time and motivation to use this blog, which I started using 8 years ago during a similar phase of my life. Even if I am just talking into the void, it feels good to be talking rather than just gritting my teeth and getting through life. 

When I work out how to get pictures on here I will post some photographs of recent jumpers I have made. It has been a pleasure to be completing projects, something I actually didn't manage in the whole four years we lived in Cwmgors.