Practicing what I preach

 Following on from yesterday's micro rant, I've finally gotten around to making a pair of curtains from my old house into a winter skirt. 

It only took me two years to do it. I always loved these as curtains but they don't fit any of the windows here, or suit the character of the house really. I've lined the skirt, and even trimmed the lining with a secret bit of broderie anglaise I found in my sewing box, so it'll be perfect as the weather is getting colder - ie. today. 

The outer is old curtains, the inner is a bedsheet I bought from the charity shop for Will's costume last week, I had everything else, so it cost me next to nothing to make. And true to my word, I am wearing bog-standard black tights under all this. 

Almost got me!

 The weather is definitely cooling as we roll into Autumn. Not that it every got especially warm, save that couple of weeks at the beginning of summer. Back then I asked will to put my bags of jumpers up into the loft, and this morning I asked him to take them down again. I also pulled out a pair of tights for the first time - I'm not going to pretend it's not tights weather anymore. 

After this I found myself saying to Will, I'd better get myself some new tights this year. I think a few of mine are bobbly or have holes in the toe. All of my tights are from Snag (which, if you have the money, are excellent tights), so I thought I'd splash out a buy a few more pairs to see me through winter. Even better, when I went on the website I saw there was a clearance section with plenty in my size in colours and patterns I love. 5 pairs of tights for £35, what a deal! I was just about to transfer the money over from savings and buy them when I caught myself. Wait 'til later I thought, and we'll see how you feel. I went for a walk and got on with some normal morning stuff, and when I got back £35 on tights seems like a ridiculous price. If I need any tights as winter goes on - I don't actually need any yet - then I can go to Marksies and buy a couple of sensible black pairs, and that will do me just as well. 

It's so important to be reminded again and again how addictive and manipulative all of this online shopping is, how it convince you that you need things that you don't, and how you are getting a bargain on these things that you didn't need!

I think a part of me also really resents now that it's so easy to buy really 'quirky', imaginative clothes now. So many people I know are prancing about wearing mass-produced  pinafore dresses with embroidered mushrooms or sweatshop crochet cardigans from shein, made by slaves. It's hard to articulate this, but before all of this stuff was so readily available, if you wanted something really special, you had to make it or at least customise it. And then that was a way of expressing yourself. I don't want to fit some pre-made mould of what a trendy middle aged woman should look like. I would rather make my own skirt and cardigans and feel really good about that, and pair them with boring black tights, which I can't make. Does any of that make sense?

Pink purses

Twice in one day! In a strange turn of events I've done something I said I would, and cut up Ivy's old school bag to salvage a couple of pieces of faux fur. This lunchtime, after a bit of um-ing and ah-ing I stitched them into a couple of passable little coin purses. I couldn't work out how to sew the zip in, it all seemed so small and fiddly. I think if I had thought about it there would have been a more sensible order to construct it in. In the event I made the outside and made the lining, then machine sewed the zip to the lining, then hand sewed the lining and zip into the outer. 

The zips were 10p each from the charity shop, so a bargain.

Otter spotter

Yesterday was a good day, despite this cold which I've now been nursing for a month. In the morning I made Sunday Buns (filled bread buns - I always used to make these on a Sunday to take on our Sunday nature walk), and we packed a thermos of tea, a bun and a piece of cake and headed up to Dryslwyn Castle. We went here on our honeymoon years ago, before we lived in Wales, and it is a place of magic and beauty. We revisit every now and then but we haven't been for a couple of years. Anyone who has visited a castle with children under 3 will recognise that it's not a relaxing experience, so it was wonderful to go yesterday and allow the children to run around and explore a bit more now that they are older. 

On the way down we collected a tub of hawthorn berries - scarce in Swansea - and elderberries, ready to make jam and winter syrup. I will probably freeze the elderberries until I have more berries to add to the mix. 

At the bottom of the hill standing on the bridge over the river we watched an otter below catching fish for about 15 minutes - what magic. I have seen an otter once in my life, and only briefly, slinking into the river I was swimming in as a teenager on the opposite bank. 

In the morning before our trip, Will and Ivy worked on building a new wood store in the garden using pallets he found in the street. I have ordered some dry wood to arrive tomorrow, so once I've sorted out a chimney sweep we'll be all set for the colder weather coming in. Between that and the hundreds of hats, scarves, mittens and jumpers I have planned for us, it'll be a lovely cosy Autumn and I'm actually really looking forward to it. I always feel there is a fraughtness to summer, so much pressure to do everything. And, well with the weather this year we have been confounded again and again. 
While Will and the kids worked I sat in the garden and did my knitting. I have 2 and a half more sleeves to go and then I can start putting the cardis together. I hope they work out well, they look lovely in pieces!

I have a doctors appointment in a bit. I'm not sure why I've made it really as I'd have to be dying before I took antibiotics, but I feel like my cold must have settled into something secondary and I had an idea that if I knew for sure what I was suffering with then I would have an idea how to treat it myself. 
I'm planning to treat myself to a quick poke around the charity shop on the way home - they have a lovely little handicrafts sections and I was after a couple of zips. I'm hoping to pick apart Ivy's old school back which is made of plush material, and see if I can make it into a couple of little purses for the girls. 

Passing through

 Last night after I put the girls to bed, instead of my usual flump into the sofa I spent an hour tidying up, finishing the washing up, setting a load of laundry to start in the morning, and hoovering and mopping through the house. You can bet I was pleased with myself this morning. 

It's a practice I always say I'll do, putting the house, and especially the kitchen to bed, but more often than not I justify the evening down time, and tell myself that I both need and deserve it. I have earned the right to sit and veg out on the sofa for an hour or two. While some night that might be exactly what's in order, I'm not sure if that's something I even especially enjoy doing, and my expanding figure would agree that I could be a bit less sedentary. 

It's a beautiful breezy Swansea day here today, and though I'm sure it won't last, I got my laundry out quickly and am hoping I can convince the girls that another dump run would be the ticket. We can pack some leftover pizza and cake and have a visit to the park after. 

Today I am wearing a rather violent bit of double crochet. Every now and then I remember the constant scrutiny and (usually) gentle mocking that I felt in Cwmgors, and I feel relief. I do not stick out here. Or I don't think I do. 

Sacred work

 I will stop going on about this at some point (although probably no time soon), but I am all over not having a job any more. There is so much time to have that wonderful slow pace that I used to feel defined our family. 

Will is away this weekend and I'm still run down with my cold but we are having a pretty lovely time kicking about in each others' company. This morning me and the girls had a big gardening session and ripped out the beans, cut back anything dead, took out all the annuals, as well as all the volunteer fennel, and just generally had a good old tidy and sweep, and it's looking much less wild out there. We did one dump run with the green waste and had planned another but it keeps bucketing it down. We'll either do it this afternoon or save it for tomorrow and have a trip to the park at the same time. 

I'm not sure how clear the difference is, but here is before: 

And here is after: 

We also harvested the last of our pears and beans, as well as a massive gnarly marrow which Will has been cultivating. I think he has an idea that we'll bread and fry it.

The pears that we've had from the tree so far have been wonderful - I still can't believe it has produce so many this year. I didn't count in the end but there must be at least 30. 

I currently have an apple loaf in the oven after yesterday's one has all but disappeared, and I snuck a few cubes of ripe pear into it this time. If we pack a lunch to take out with us tomorrow, that will go nicely with the cheese pizzas I am about to put in the oven. It's towards the end of the month and I have no desire to shop. Although we do have some veg, cheese pizza seemed like a suitable treat for while Will is away, and will make a handy lunch tomorrow, and probably Monday too. (excuse the flour, I am a very messy cook)

Other than that, today we watched a film, I have knitted (onto sleeve 1 of 4), and I have a bit of housework to catch up on now, including mopping the trail of mud that is now running through the house despite my constant chant of 'shoes off, shoes off!'
I have felt once again something like myself. The girls are playing in the garden, I have jobs to do, the house is pleasant and we are calm and happy. 

I have been having some nice chit chats with my friend about making clothes once the new school year starts, and it'll be a dream to have someone to share that with. All of the things that I pined for in Cwmgors are coming to me. Thank G-d.

New start

It is almost the start of the new school term which, although disappointing, is an excitement for the girls. I'm so grateful to have some time now without work to prepare them and us for getting back into routine.

The house is still in a pickle - I'm working on that - but today we had a really good sort out in the girls bedroom, moved furniture, washed skirting boards, the works. I had intended to taken them out to buy new backpacks for school today as both of theirs are really holey and awful, and had said to them we'd get them from the fun backpack shop in town, but when I checked online for the prices my head nearly came off. I had to break it to them that £80 for a school bag was just too much and we'd go to M&S instead, but while I was looking at their range online I thought, why not just check ebay? I have been avoiding online shopping, and in principle don't want to be doing that any more at all. But I had a quick look and found so many bags from the posh £80 shop going for between £15 - £20. The girls have each chosen one they are really happy with, now let's hope they are in good condition and get here on time!

Following that we carried on with our spree and went into town to buy new school shoes. I'm going to take stock of the school uniform we have this week and write down a list of any gaps we have. I'm going to go through the mountains of stationery we have and sharpen pencils and put together a pencil case each for the girls. I hope I can give them a really good start for the new school year. Feeling very 'onwards and upwards' about it all at the moment. 

I haven't really any pictures, but another day another sourdough. I also baked a beautiful apple loaf using apple butter from the fridge. It'll be apple cake for the foreseeable now. 

Summer rolling into Autumn

I haven't taken many photos this week as mainly what I've been doing is cooking and eating potatoes, however I will say that my book of reproduction rationing-era recipe pamphlets has been super helpful, and if you want ideas on how to make something out of nothing, this is your book. as an example, behold, mashed potato flan (which actually is lovely and the kids are mad about it)

The girls were super helpful and enjoyed learning to make pastry. I'm trying to make more of an effort to get them involved as I used to - I've slipped into impatience and hurrying about, which ends up just excluding them from the workings of the house and what I'm up to... and then I expect them to want to help when it suits me. Not good.

I got a bee in my bonnet this week about the fridges. When we had the kitchen redone I said to Will I wanted to hang onto the old fridge and freezer as it would probably be useful to have the extra space. And it kind of is. While they're there I use them. The freezer is full and the fridge often has something in it at least. The problem is that because they're not in the kitchen, and they're extra to our main fridge and freezer, I just forget what's in there. It's excessive, nobody needs that much food storage and it's taking up space in the laundry room and just turning it into an overcrowded room of requirement. So anyway, I emptied out the fridge and sold that for a token £20 (I did try giving it away on freecyle first - it's hard to give stuff away for nothing, people mess you about!)

I will work on emptying the freezer over the next couple of weeks. I did pull out bags and bags of de-seeded apples which I had intended for wine making and didn't get around to yet. It's basically apple season again now, so I made these into kilos of apple butter, which is now clogging up our main fridge! I've managed to give some away, but there will be many apple cakes on the horizon. 

Once the freezer is out of here as well I'll be able to put the tumble on the floor, and then we can lay a bit of spare counter leftover from the kitchen to make a nice workspace for laundry business. 

 I'm finally on the mend from my rotten cold. It's been such a strain this summer, between work, visitors, colds and bad weather, it hasn't really felt like a holiday. I hope I can do some nice things with the girls next week to make up for it. 

Leftovers

 Yesterday I spent most of the afternoon elbow deep in mashed potato. I made a cottage pie, a mountain potato farls, and have leftover mash to make into a potato & broccoli tart today, when I will also be teaching the girls how to make pastry. 

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine sent me a picture of some jeans which had been butchered at the knee, below which had been replaced with ruffled bedsheet fabric. I don't wear or own a pair of trousers, but the effect of this was so fantastic that I am intending to make a pair for myself, likely once the girls are back in school now. In a charity shop last week though, I came by the bedsheet for £1. Now I just need some jeans.. 

I was also able to pick up a massive white duvet cover, and have tested my sewing machine, which in my memory was misbehaving but seems to have sorted out its attitude now, so I'm intending to get to work on the costumes today, hopefully giving myself plenty of time for hiccups before the weekend. 

I'm still beavering away at the girls' cardigans - I have made two backs and 3 1/2 fronts, so I just need to do four sleeves (groan) and then put it all together. After that I have promised to crochet them a jumper each as they have outgrown all of last years' 

I had a nice chat yesterday with the bedsheet-trouser friend, who like me has been working part time due to financial pressures. Her husband has just been offered a new job, and so she now has the option to stop working, which it sounds like she will go ahead with. It was such a relief to talk to someone about this who is on the same page as me as after reading a couple of internet things last week I was starting to doubt my position and was wondering if I was just lazy. 

My cold rumbles on and honestly I'm miserable with it, it's been weeks now. I'm waiting on a second round of bloods to determine if there is anything else going on. I'm keeping busy though. Today we have a bunch of tidying to do, then I said the girls could do some watercolour painting, and then we'll do some baking later. Somewhere in there I am also going to begin working on the costumes. 

Potato

 Fighting food waste sometimes feels like swimming against the tide in a house with two young children, but I do my best, and my best will be better now that I have a bit more time on my hands. 

A job I must to today is at least go through the fridges, if not also the pantry cupboard, and take stock of what we have and plan how to use it up. On our remaining budget I would rather not do another food shop before the end of the month, and I am pretty sure that between what's left in the fridge, pantry and rammed freezers, there will be more than enough to last a week and a half. 

I won't be the first person to point out how rubbish the quality of fruit and veg is at the minute, and how quickly veg is going off. Annoyingly, I bought a huge bag of potatoes last week as it works out so much cheaper that way, and have just found that they are already sprouting in quite a lively and alarming way and really want using up, like, yesterday. So I've put a huge pot on to boil and have had a look at the potato section in my trusty eating for victory book, and am planning our 3 square meals shall revolve around potatoes for at least the next few days. 

I don't know if this is the generally picture, but I am feeling a bit upset and mixed up today after having read a couple of articles, and the comments section (note to self - never read anything on the internet) and am seeing a lot of anger and resentment towards homemakers. I can understand these articles being published because the narrative must continue that it is a good thing for both halves of a household to work full time jobs. What upsets me is that almost all of the comments on these articles seem to also be repeating that, and saying how selfish and unrealistic it is for one half to stay at home, and how that's so outdated. It's something I thought the tide was turning a bit on, and perhaps it is, who knows. It's all very well if you want to work full time, maybe I will want to one day. But you don't, and shouldn't have to. Will does not have the biggest salary in the world and it's not the easiest thing to make ends meet on that alone. But it is not selfish of us to choose that path, instead of  us both working and being crazy stressed and having no time for the kids, each other, the house, or ourselves. 

This week with the time I am going to spend NOT at work, I shall: 

Clean out the fridge
Make many many meals from potatoes
Finish knitting Autumn cardigans for both girls
Make fancy dress costumes for Will and his friend
Play board games with the kids
Go for walks
Clean the house
Stroke the cats
Take baths
etc etc. 

This will be a good thing. And actually what all of those things have in common is that they are all free, or near enough. 

Anyway now this is starting to sound either preachy or smug, it is not intended to be either. Really my point is live and let live, and it makes me sad that we live in a time where it is acceptable, and normal, to condemn people for wanting to stay at home and care for their house and its occupants. 

Abundant life

 Just some things from the last few days. 

My mum has been visiting this week - she's heading home tomorrow morning - so we've had a nice couple of days. She's not feeling super well at the moment and has a lot of pain so we've had a forced slower pace, which is nice. This morning we are hoping to head to the beach, and then to the fair for an hour after lunch. 

The girls are really enjoying a little bit of summery weather now and have spent all of their time making up games in the garden. I'd all but given up on summer and have been preparing myself to roll into autumn and winter, so these few sunny days have been a pleasant surprise. 

Once the girls are back in school the work of clearing up the garden and getting the house straight will begin, and I'm looking forward to having the time to do that. I would also like to start making our winter woolies and Christmas presents now (or once these stripey cardigans are finished)

I don't want to be a sourdough bore, but my bread is getting better and better! This one got a little singed because I left the oven on a bit high, but it has been rising so well and has such a good sour taste and smell. Until now we have been paying £5 a loaf for our sourdough which is out of the question now, so this is brill. 

Just a snap of the garden at it's wildest point. It'll start to fade now and within a month I'll have probably pulled all of this up or chopped it back.

Pears! These are the first few that I have picked and am leaving to ripen this week - if they are ready I'll pick some more next week. This is the first time we have had pears from our tree - except for one last year, which we picked a bit too late, and was soft. We were given this tree as a housewarming gift in 2017 when we moved to Cwmgors. 

Party Season

 All done! The girls have had their birthdays, and their birthday parties, so that's that for another year. Ivy's party was lovely in the event - she had hoped to have a picnic in the park but it's been a wet week (month) and the weather is still unsettled, so we had to move it into the house. Instead we had an indoor floor picnic, decorated biscuits, and the girls did lots of running around and giggling. There were about 10 children in all, a few of Ivy's best friends, Hazel's best friends, and the girls' two cousins who were visiting. I made a few bits of fun, fresh, colourful food, and had some nice coffees and chats with the parents. I'm slowly shedding my self-consciousness and enjoyed throwing Ivy's little party.

Will's sister and her family went home yesterday afternoon after visiting the weekend, but there's only a brief window of quiet as my Mum is arriving this evening - her first chance to visit in months - and staying for the week, and then Will's other sister is arriving on Friday and staying until Monday, so we'll have a full house all week. 

I've begun work on the girls' scrappy cardigans. I'm doing them both at the same time - one back, then the other, one front, then the other - which I know bores me to tears, but is both the fairest and most efficient way of doing it. I'll be working on these for some weeks, there's no rush really. It would be nice if they're finished ready for the new term but that's being optimistic as I'm not a fast knitter. 

That's all for now, I have sheets to wash and still a bit of party debris to tidy up before my mum arrives. I still have the tail end of this cough and am worn out with it but hopefully will improve soon. 

Last day

 Today is my last day at work - it felt like it took a while but it has finally come 'round, and I feel nothing but relief. There is some regret and shame at feeling like I'm unable to just get on with a proper job like the rest of the population. But I have to stop myself and say why should I have to? And why should they? It's not so long ago that the expectation was not that both halves of a household should work outside of the home. Anyway, blah blah, I've said all that before. 

Tomorrow is my eldest's 7th birthday - unbelievable. One thing I feel huge regret over is that I've not had enough time to prepare for or become excited about either of the girls' birthdays this summer. Next year will be different. 

Yesterday after work I did a bit of batch cooking, and prepared a couple of bits of tired veg in the fridge for freezing. This afternoon after work is time to make the birthday cake - both of the girls wanted to help with their own cakes this year, and that's just fine. Ivy wants lemon and blueberry, so I think we will have to walk to the shops to get blueberries. I also need a pair of 3.25 knitting needles so I can check in the charity shop while we're out. I've started on the girls' stripey scrappy cardigans. The pattern I am following for theirs is all garter stitch, which I chose because I thought it'll be lovely and squishy for autumn, but it'll be a labour of love as it's so much slower growing than stocking stitch, it'll be a miracle if I finish both before the end of the summer holidays. I don't know when I'll be starting my crochet venture, at the moment that feels like that's disappearing over the horizon. But it's not, I'm keeping it in mind. But home first. I need to crochet the girls a new winter jumper first, and then it'll be time to start of Christmas presents you see. No money for Christmas shopping this year. 

It's raining today. It seems like it'll rain all summer. I haven't minded as I have mainly been working so far, but it'd be a dream if the weather would pick up next week so me and the girls can get some good beach time in. 

Twinkle

 This morning sat on the sofa in the backroom looking idly up at the ceiling, I noticed a small scorch mark above each bulb in the candelabra. Bit disconcerting, I'm not sure how long they've been there. The bulbs in the back room are energy saving rather than LED as they were there when we moved in, so I guess maybe they still get quite warm, and I burn a fair bit of incense. Anyway, I said to Will this morning, we'd better get some LED bulbs for that light. 

I'm trying to make the room a bit nicer anyway, or will be as soon as I have my work equipment out of here, which will be Wednesday next week. Me and the kids use the room a lot for all sorts. It's sort of the quiet room of the house to come and do your own thing, so I want to make it really clean and cosy. I had an idea that we could get some lamps in here, but apart from the top of the piano there's not a lot of surfaces. Then I remembered we had a long string of fairy lights in the kitchen before it was renovated and went in search of those. 

Half an hour later, voila. Cosy.

Cheapskate

 One of my main preoccupations these past few weeks since quitting my job has of course been money and budgeting and finding, or remembering, ways of living well and within our means. Yesterday I considered that you could probably go for many months without buying anything at all, with the exception of essentials needed to repair broken things, and, considering I have small children, shoes and clothes for them. I like the idea that you could think of something you want or need, and instead of reaching for your laptop to buy it on the internet, go shopping in your house and make use of what you have. Not revolutionary, but for someone my age who has been raised in a time where a two income family is a given, and having the newest, shiniest things is the badge of success, it's not instinctive.

Today I was tidying up a bit in the back room. As well as me, the girls have their desks in there, which inevitably become piled high with this and that every few weeks, so I've been having a bit of a clearout. I also found a bag of things for charity which I'd stuffed down the side of the sofa, probably before having guests at one point, which I thought I'd sort through, as the dump is closer than the charity shops, and you can take most things there but it must be sorted. As I was doing that I found a pair of flip flops in there. Hardly used, I can't think where I got them from as I'm not much of a flip flop wearer. I was going to chuck them out, as usually I would wear birkenstocks if I want some flip flops. But my birkenstocks are about to wear out, and I've been growling at the fact that I'll have to buy another pair soon - they're not cheap, and you have to replace them every year, or two if you're lucky. But do I have to replace them when there is a perfectly good pair of rubber flip flops here? No, I don't. Flips flops are not my first choice, but they're as suitable for the beach as birkenstocks are. 

Now, quick coffee break and then I'm on to the cabinets in the back room to see what treasures they hold. 

Update - I sorted all of our greetings and birthday cards into a box and had an idea that I could start a birthday book and keep it together with the cards in the box and put that in the lounge to help us remember to send cards. I have an any year diary that I bought years ago for that reason, so had a little scratch around for that, and while I was doing that found three more things in the house: 

Not very exciting, but I've been after folders for my knitting & crochet patterns. The orange one we found in the street last week, the white plastic one I found at the back of a cupboard this morning. I thought I'd chucked it out long ago. Now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure I found that one in the street too, years ago in Plymouth. 

I wanted a plain every day table cloth for the kitchen - I have a couple of very sweet table clothes but they are both quite special and I save them for 'best'. I got given this one a few months ago, before the kitchen renovation, and it got squirreled away in the back room. I love it, but it's nice and plain for every day. 

When I saw Patrick Wolf last month I asked him to write a note for my two girls who love listening to his music, and he very sweetly agreed. The girls were so pleased and excited to have their own letter from him, and I said I'd frame it and put it on the wall, but hadn't gotten around to buying a frame yet. Guess what I found in the bottom of a drawer today..

I didn't find the birthday book yet though..

Living well on one income

After picking up Kate Singh's Homemade Housewife last week, I had a look online to see if she was still working or had written any more books - well it turns out that she has been incredibly prolific and has written many many books and also has a youtube channel called coffee with Kate. Her mannerism's and way of speaking are uncannily like my American Stepmother's, who I adore, and her videos are charming and soothing. Hour long rambles about her homes, habits, tips and general musings. I wish I had found it ages ago as it would have been wonderful company during these bleak months working from home. 

Listening to one of her videos yesterday there was something that especially jumped out at me. Talking about the current cost of living issues, perhaps impending recessions, hard times for all, her main advice was not to worry, hunker down, prepare where you can by budgeting, keeping things simple, live a good life. And a surprising piece of advice was that she really emphasised the importance of making your home charming and cosy. This is where you are going to be spending your time. This is where you put your love. You should put all you can into it. And this doesn't mean spending lots of money, as she demonstrated by giving a tour of her home and all of the things that she has found, been gifted, bought from the thrift store, had for years, or made. It needn't be something you through your money at, but your time - that's important. 

Having this time where we have both been working has really confirmed something for me, that I already knew, which is that a house doesn't run itself. And in these last few months this house has been like a ghost ship, and the people within it have become neglected and rudderless. When I took the job I was feeling a bit rudderless myself. After the move it was so difficult to feel like there was any point in me being at home, without the garden to look after and with both girls in school. How could we justify being so poor, when I had all of these hours a week I could use to make money? I see now that's its just a case of 'you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone' and that there's a lot that this house is wanting for without somebody caring for it. I am truly sorry for the harm it's done, being away, but so grateful to feel so resolved about the decision to go back to being Just a Housewife. 

I thought I had more to say this morning but I don't. Time for me to go to work now - one day left this week, and two next week, and then that's that. 

I was shown these pictures on my phone today from 3 or 4 years ago of our hold house, when it was spotless and had someone really cherishing it. It makes me feel so warm, remembering that time. Our house isn't like that now! We had absolutely no money, but we knew why we were there and were grateful.