Put a doily under it

Having finished my dress I got to work on the matching cardigan last week, but was foolish and ordered some wooden buttons online. I always make a point to check where they are coming from and this time forgot, so of course they are coming from China. After waiting for a week or so to make the button band and add buttons I couldn't wait and used some kitschy plastic ones instead. I'll use the wooden ones for another project. 

My Mum visited this week and brought down the aforementioned blanket which had been sat in her loft, so now the trio are reunited. Am I going off a bit?

While I was waiting for the buttons to arrive I got on with a lot of little projects, because obviously I can't sit still. I finally made a cosy for my coffee pot, which is insulated anyway so now my coffee stays piping hot for hours, which is great for when I'm working. now I just need to practice drinking it slower. 

Excuse the quality of the photos, going quite old school and using my web cam. 

I also went on a mission to stick a coaster/doily under everything. I have only made 6 but am enjoying the effect, and it's making me want to decorate my lounge like the inside of a gypsy caravan. Maybe once I am over my pink phase. I didn't take pictures of the coasters though. 

I didn't go to my knitting group this week because it was inbetween family visiting and needed the rest. It's been quiet lately anyway, with winter and one thing and another I think, but it's nice to meet for a coffee and get out of the house in the evening even if it's only one or two. 

I have been asked go to to a meeting in Manchester week after next for work which will be interesting. I am planning to go there and back on the day so will have about 9 hours on trains to kill. I'll have to think of something so I don't go deranged. 

Mum has given me more to think on re cancer prevention. There have been a lot of interesting new studies coming out as to the cause of cancer which is still largely mis/not understood. But the bottom line generally is that lifestyle factors make your body vulnurable. Things like stress, pollution, sugar, lack of sleep, pesticides, the list goes on. Everything we do basically is poisonous. I have been working hard on trying to make sure that all, or as close as possible, of our food is organic. With the rising cost of food, and everything else, although organic food is more expensive still, I don't think the cost has gone up as much as conventionally grown food. And anyway, I don't resent paying it as much as I do buying rubbish from lidl. 

I got a bit distracted and lost track of where I was going with this. 

Basically I am trying to redirect my life. I recognise that I became overweight during the lockdown and never addressed this. I spend more time sedentary than I do active these days. I let myself get really stressed and upset about things which I can't change, or things which I could change but don't. And for the past couple of years I have been cultivating a gentle alcoholism, which I defend because I am clearly getting along fine, only I'm not. 

Onwards and upwards. Feeling good. 

Granny

Woohoo! That's all I stopped to say, will start on the cardigan now in a day or two. The dress has come up a little bigger than it needed to, but generally it's gone well. Blanket power!

 

Progress

I'm beavering away at my dress to wear for Patrick Wolf in April, and I think at this rate I will certainly have enough time and enthusiasm to make the matching cardigan, as I am really enjoying. I have been tucking the ends in in blocks so it isn't too overwhelming. Actually I'm half way down the skirt since this picture now, and have decided to just made the skirt solid black, with one row of granny squares around the hem. 

I realised that this dress probably represents the culmination of all of my crochet ambitions. Though I am quite skilled at crochet now and can follow most patterns with different degrees of patience, my enjoyment still comes from making chunky whimsical granny-square based garments. I remember as a teenager buying one of these blankets from a charity shop, long before I learned to crochet, and just staring it at it not at all being able to get my head around how it was done. These black blankets are so stylish and classic, I am looking forward to being able to wear one. 

Last day of work for the week for me today. Work is getting me down a bit because I feel like I'm not being listened to, no one is following my processes, blah blah blah. I need to work hard, let go of control, and accept what I can't change. I'll get paid whether I stress about it or not. 

Tomorrow I have a day of adulting and catching up. I have some phone calls and sorting out to do, and a whole lot of tidying. Sooty went to the vets yesterday and has just about been given the all-clear and can start going outside again and living his best life next week. 

This afternoon after work I have to go to the hardware shop for hoover bags and then will go for a nice walk, maybe along the beach. 

I hope that things are getting better.  

For accountability

 After an initial flurry of things that have needed paying for, this month really does have to be as close to 'no spend' as possible. I will keep the vegbox order weekly as long as we do actually need vegetables, and I no doubt will have to buy things like bread and butter, but apart from that I am going to do my best not to buy too much food and just use up what we have in the cupboards. We have at least two birthday parties this month which I will need to buy a little present and wrapping for, and it is Will's birthday coming up in a couple of weeks which I need to get a present for but apart from that I can't think of any fixed expenses beyond the usual travel, power, veg box etc which I have done my best to account for. I have put the money to one side to make our first payment for the kitchen and to cover Will's annual ICE membership, which will be reimbursed next month. 

I seem to be too busy to breath at the moment, but especially with the weekly veg box now I think it would be good to get back into meal planning to make the most of what we have and also to make sure that there is no waste. Tonight for supper I will make a stew with any stray vegetables we have left knocking around, and roast half a butternut squash that's in the fridge to go with it, and after that I will do my best to plan it at least loosely. 

On Sunday the plan is another freezing swim, and then I have invited my friend back for a Sunday dinner. I have finally caved and ordered myself wetsuit gloves and socks. I go in the sea in my swimming costume and am quite happy with that over a wetsuit, however my fingers and toes have been getting a bit sore and I have joint paint that is made worse with the cold. 

Back to work for me in a minute. The job is more of a struggle than I expected it to be, and I'm still holding out hope that sooner or later the ability to think will return to me. It helps having something specific we need the money for, as well as the obvious rising cost of living, the kitchen will be a good reward for all of the hard work and something we wouldn't have been able to afford otherwise.

Turning point

 Have I finally reached rock bottom, and am now starting to come back up?

What an unusual week it's been in lots of ways. Last Wednesday I sent an email to get in touch with three old friends, who I think I haven't spoken to in at least 10 years, but who when I was 17/18, we did everything together, and had so many surreal and unlikely adventures. It was such a magical and formative time in life, and one that has been completely left behind, and almost forgotten until recently because it represented a part of my character that I have been trying to make obsolete. I have heard back from two of them and it has been a real joy. I want to spend more time going back to that place and recapturing the remarkable joy and freedom that we were lucky enough to find. 

I don't know if it was prompted by this tentative soul-searching, but on Friday a friend of mine asked if I would help her out at the bar she works in, and although that is something I would always naturally say no to, I did my best to resist that and offered to help instead, and it was fine. It wasn't my favourite work in the world, but it was fine, and quite freeing to do something outside of your comfort zone. 

Not exactly out of my comfort zone, but then on Sunday I went for a long-delayed swim in the sea, my first since December. The sea is at its coldest now at this time of year, and boy was it painful. But also very freeing. 

This week I am going to get up earlier than I need to, I am going to get as much done in the house as I have energy for, I am going to be kind to my children and I am going to reach out and give people in my life my time. I am going to work hard at my job, and I am going to turn this horror show around. 

Another week another jumper

I'm not sure that I even really like it though, I think I'm going to have to wear it in and see if we can get to know each other. I made it because I wanted to work out the sizing/measurements to make a granny square/peplum dress to wear to Patrick Wolf. In the even I am going to make the bodice out of lots of small granny squares rather than one big one, but this experiment will still be useful to help with the sizing, just need to make it a bit smaller as it is a dress, not a jumper. If I have the time before April I am also planning to make a matching cardigan. 

Et voila. 

I have been a bit of a lost soul this week (year, decade?) and I'm really fighting my natural urge to lie down today and am planning to have a day of action. Sooty has to go back to the vet today - his recurring swelling turned out to be an abscess which burst in the night before his vets appointment, so he ended up going to hospital and having a whole load of stuff doing. Thank goodness for pet insurance. 
After the vets though, I am going to leap into action, get out the binbags and boxes and sort out stuff either for the loft or the tip. I am drowning in stuff, I have no time or energy and I feel totally trapped. For the first time in a few months I felt a little tickle of some paintings in my head, but there is absolutely no way I can do any painting when I am so burdened by my surroundings. 

Sometimes it feels like there is very much too much adult stuff to do. Letters from hmrc saying we owe them money, kitchen finance, kids upset at school, local crime. I remember so vividly being 18 and not giving a shit about anything. 

 

Here I am. 18 - no shits.