Plan for the week

I have to get up some momentum and motivation or else. 

Next week: 

Monday: 
AM. Clean house, sort out Will's old office
PM. Girls have 3 clubs after school

Tuesday:
AM. Tidy garden/Dump run. Swimming?
PM. Make time to paint earrings for craft swap & any other unpainted pieces

Wednesday: 
AM. Mass
PM. Coffee with a friend

Thursday:
AM. Make time for drawing
PM. Food shop. Ivy has a club after school.

Friday:
AM. Swimming
PM. Ivy has a club after school

I've finished knitting my first sock in ages. After abandoning a pair a couple of years ago I've had another go at using the teeny tiny needles. I got the hang of them as used them to make a pair of little glovelets  for a craft swap.

I was proud of these as I pushed myself a bit and did a pattern a bit more complicated than I would usually attempt. 

The pattern I'm using the make the socks is the Totally Rad Ribbed Socks by Summer Lee. I measured my food and the pattern said to make a large, which I objected to so made a medium, and honestly they're a bit too big so I would knit them in a small next time, unless my yarn is a bit finer. But they will do perfectly well and I'm pleased with the job I've done. I don't have a picture of the finished sock, I'll take one when I have the pair. 

I think I'm more patient and less harassed than I have been in recent years, so I'm hoping to knit some more socks after this, I'd like to make some for Will. Socks have been a bit of a horror for me endurance-wise so it'll be good to practice the discipline of completing a few pairs. 

Today we are going to the library in the morning and then swimming in the afternoon. 

Mustn't give in to fear and despair.

Odds and ends

 This morning while the girls are busying away designing their dream house together I divided up all of the odds and ends of bread I've saved this week to make croutons and breadcrumbs. I do this every week or two, and it's remarkable the amount you can save, and the breadcrumbs are so handy, and the kids love croutons with soup. And while I was doing that my mind wandered to two places. One, is a blog post I made some years ago while we were still living in Cwmgors. I'm not sure when exactly, before we had decided to move, almost certainly before lockdown even, but when we had been there long enough for the loneliness to begin to creep in. I remember writing about how I was so happy in what I was doing, the gardening, my two girls, the homemaking, everything that came with it, but that I was sad and isolated and sorry that these things set me apart from others. I felt so desperate that perhaps I might never fit in (and in the event, I never did). Perhaps because I was making breadcrumbs and thinking of being resourceful, and also thinking of Cwmgors, my mind then went to my dear friend Pam, one of the shining lights of our time there. We have fallen out of touch now (although if you read this Pam, I would like it if you wanted to get in touch) but I think of her so often and of all of the things that she taught me. Lots of very practical things. Lots of mindsets as well. I think I would be a completely different person had I not had her as a friend and mentor. 

I have quite a lot of friends now, and a strong community, but I do not have a friend like Pam. It makes me want to reach out more and be more giving of myself and my time to the people around me, and treat them with the love and support that I was shown during those strange years. When looking for ways to spend my time now that Will is out in the office all day, that it where I should be looking. 

All change

 Will started his new job yesterday so it's a big new start for all of us really. The first time Will has worked in an office since the girls were in full time school, and the first time I'll be alone during the day since 2014 when we were first married. Not that it's all about me, but it is a significant change and I will have to respond to it, or else go mad. 

With this new change, our income has also gone down. That's okay, or I think it is, time will tell. Of course we've had quite a few weeks to prepare for this adjustment, so we're as ready and certain as can be. I have been practicing using cash only anyway since Christmas, and envelope stuffing has been the natural next step on from that. We are only half way in to our first month so too early to really report back, and there have been a few times when I've been careless or frivolous and gone off-budget, but I'm enjoying the process and will get better with practice. 

I have also returned to writing a meal plan for each week and planning the food shop around that. I also cleaned out the pantry and wrote a list of everything that was in there, useful especially for more unusual ingredients, which I can't remember buying or why. I'll have to go through some cookbooks and get creative and try and use up some things. 

I need to fill my time in the week now that I'm not mooching in and out of Will's office. As if there isn't plenty to do in the house that I've neglected. General tidying and cleaning as well as DIY jobs left unfinished. I go swimming in the sea a couple of days a week with friends. The food shop is one afternoon. Last week I went to the Wednesday mass at our church and plan to keep that up, that is another morning. And of course I should be doing something creative, something productive. There's so many things I've talked about getting started with, but my motivation is on the floor. It's probably a good job I'm not expected to work a job because frankly I'm unfit to commit to anything. That's something to think on - and then start on. 

This week is half term so I have the girls with me anyway, which is always a treat, so I don't have to worry at the moment. Today we are planning to trudge to the library in the rain. Also this week we need to choose and buy Will a birthday present, we have friends coming for supper on Friday, and I have a swim on Friday morning, so we are doing fine. I think we'll be visiting my Mum this weekend all being well, and then back to it on Monday in earnest. 

 I feel that if I could spend some time in peace and stillness among the mess and clutter of my life, I may appreciate it so much more, in all of its ordinary, unremarkable, wonderful splendour.

Very soon I will be old, or I may not even get old, and when that time comes there will be no more cartwheels in the park, or cuddling my little daughters, or baking, or tidying up coffee tables, or walking with friends and loved ones, or holding hands.