Star girl

 When I said I probably had enough handmade jumpers I was obviously lying because I seem to have made another. I have been sorting through my yarn, getting ready for making Christmas gifts, and found a jumpers' worth of this pink colour block yarn, which in fairness I had earmarked for a jumper for myself. I used it at the beginning of the year to make the yarn sister Star Girl jumper, which I probably mentioned at the time was a pattern I didn't get on with, had to unravel several times, and ended up going my own way with it entirely. I still wasn't totally happy with it, but was so over trying when I decided to call it a day. I had intended it for my Mum, but it came up bigger than I hoped (this is my main issue with the pattern, the sleeve size increases directly relative to the body size increasing, so the smaller sizes have armholes the size of pipe cleaners), so I thought it wouldn't be suitable, but in the event she took a shine to it and took it home with her anyway. 

I don't know what prompted me to but I thought I would have another look at the pattern, as I have already paid for it, and I really love that star yoke and all being well would like to make one for the girls each as a Christmas present. 

I really tried to keep my eye on the ball with the pattern and the increases this time. It still has, in my opinion, big flaws, and I went totally my own way with the arms which have no decreasing whatsoever in the pattern. I'm more pleased with it this time anyway, and have managed to make a more shapely jumper, so I think I will plan to make them for the girls for Christmas. 

It's hard to think of anything else that has gone on, but I've had a nice week. I must get on with the housework now as that's fallen by the wayside, and I'm planning to go for a swim in the sea after lunch. 

Messing about on the river

 It's been a lovely slow weekend. There was a little break in the weather and we finally made it out on the boat - only along the river in each direction, and turned around once we were out to sea. There was no wind for sailing, but it was wonderful to be on the water. We saw Cormorants, Herons and Egrets and it felt great to be on the boat. There's not really been the opportunity this year, between weather, illness and engine trouble, to build up any confidence or enthusiasm for boating. Next year. 

In the afternoon we had an indoor picnic, and went to the park before supper. Yesterday I bought a silicone cake pan for making small lunchbox cakes. It cost £3.99 and wasn't a necessary purchase, but I think it will see a lot of use. This evening I made sponge with chocolate chips for the girls lunches this week. 

I completed my birthday scarf with the wool my Mum bought me. It is super soft and warm, and I think the twist is fine in the event. Ivy has expressed an interest so I think I will buy the Katie Jones crochet pattern which has sweet hearts on the 'leaves' and make the girls one each for Christmas presents. I'm hyper aware of Christmas getting closer and closer and I must start squirrelling things away and making plans. 

That's all for now. I'm looking forward to hopefully having a more optimistic week this week, as I've been feeling quite stressed and worried with the snatches of news and youtube commentaries I've seen lately.

An observation

 Currently I am writing this entirely to myself as I have made this blog private temporarily, after noticing an alarming number of daily views. I don't know who or why anyone would have so much interest in this blog suddenly, but after writing into the void for so long, and the internet being such a creepy, intrusive place, I wasn't keen. 

My observation is to do with spending money being habit rather than instinctive, which I had assumed it probably was - the natural desire to stockpile, or to feather one's nest. I have only been practicing 'not buying', reasonably strictly, for two months since quitting my job. Obviously knowing what I know now I would have started that one long ago, but there we are!

For my birthday I was given an amazon voucher from a family friend. We also have another one due to come to us for sticking with our internet provider. Currently I am doing my very best not to shop online, as I just feel more and more that that is directly destroying the world I want to live in, but having said that, I am glad to have them, and sooner or later there will be something I want or need. 

Particularly for the birthday voucher I thought, why not have a look through my amazon wishlist and pick one thing as a birthday present. There are many lovely things on there, mainly books about all sorts of interesting subjects. And yet there is nothing I want. I just feel more and more totally bogged down by stuff, and like I already have a life's worth. And like the stuff, I feel way overstimulated by media also, and like my brain can't be doing with more stories, or more facts about stuff. 

So I will do as I said, I will wait until there is something we really need. It'll keep. And it's pretty nice not to be wanting for anything. One of few happy thoughts at the moment. 

In a tangle

Tuesday

 I only have a few minutes as am due to meet a friend for breakfast this morning. I was also meant to be going for a swim with another friend but the weather is honestly awful today and I think we were both relieved to give it a miss. 

As often they are, but especially at the moment a week and a half from payday, my thoughts are on money matters. It's been a more expensive month this month, I'm not sure why, just one little thing and another. Smallish purchases, some essential, some not, but for a while it seemed like we were spending money like water. There isn't as much now and it doesn't take a lot to take out the bulk of our disposable income. That's if we truly have a disposable income - can you when you don't really have savings?

I have been turning to my wartime-era books for inspiration. You get in big trouble if you romanticize the past, but there can be no doubt that during WW2, as well as the periods directly before and after, people had to make sure they accounted for all of their resources, and made them stretch as far as they could. It's hard to get to grips with in this throwaway society, we don't even realise how wasteful we are. I have 'waste not want not' as a mantra in my head on loop at the minute and am doing my best to be very careful before I throw anything away. 

I had another little reminder yesterday. My oven gloves are starting to wear thin and I mentioned to Will a couple of days ago that I needed to buy a new pair. Then yesterday I was looking at them and said perhaps I should just see if I can make some, I think we have an old towel we can spare. Then Will said - didn't you buy two separate oven gloves a couple of years ago? I'd completely forgotten that I did. I bought them from the botanic gardens and they were quite expensive actually. I've hardly used them because I always used my joined up pair, so they're in new condition. So I brought them out and was about to throw away my old ones when i had a look at them and thought, besides being a bit mucky the middle section is actually fine - it never comes in contact with the heat so is still heat proof. Why not butcher that and make a couple of pan handles for the fire. So that is what I intend to do. 

Thursday

Evidently time got away with me on that one. I had breakfast with my friend on Tuesday in a cafe that is very nice looking but does frankly disgusting food. I haven't been there in years and the few times I did it was borderline inedible, and I thought it might have changed, but alas not. Obviously it suits a lot of people as they're still going strong!

I did manage to make a pan handle from a butchered piece of old oven glove, and have enough left to make another, but my fingers needed a rest from that sharp little needle. I was extra thrifty and salvaged the bias from around the glove to finish it off. It just need a good soak in something degreasing and we'll be good to go. 

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm not usually super excited by birthdays, mine, and if I'm honest, other peoples' too. But I had a lovely day, the girls and Will made a big fuss of me, and I was given a lot of very thoughtful presents. In the day while the girls were in school Will and I drove to Laugharne. I love Laugharne, and wanted to to to the silversmith as we bought our wedding rings from there years ago, and have since bought other pieces and had an item repaired as well. My engagement ring has needed resetting for many years so I decided it's finally time to get it sorted, and who could we trust more? We were saddened to hear a couple of years ago that the owner had had a stroke and was very poorly, but his daughter took over the business. So it was a wonderful surprise anyway to find him in the shop yesterday and still full of rage and fighting spirit after all he had been through. A day of counting my blessings. 

This morning I went for a swim in the sea with my friend. The sea was bumpy and fun, and it kept pouring with rain. We got a cup of coffee in Mumbles after before heading home.

I have my knitting club tonight. My lovely Mum bought me some Merino/alpaca blend yarn for my birthday, far fancier than anything I'd buy for myself, and I knew just want I wanted to make with it. A couple of years ago I found a free pattern online for a very sweet vintage style keyhole scarf, something like this: 

So I have begun work on that already. I have had an issue with the keyhole section - somehow when I was joining the two pieces of knitting we got a twist there rather than flat ribbing as in the picture. It was so fiddly to do that I was really reluctant to rip it back, so I'm persevering and hoping that it will look nice, and rather than being flat might instead look more like the knot of a tie. If it really doesn't work I'll rip back the whole lot and start again. 

My mum sent me four skeins, each in a different colour. I have gone with the middle shade to complete the scarf. Noticably different but the same tone, so I'm hoping that will work out. 

Making it into balls was going fine until the cat turned up. 

Time for me to finish my coffee and crack on with my jobs now before  it's time to get the girls. 

Pretty in pink

 It's been another tired sort of weekend here, and I'm sure I didn't get done any of the things I'd hoped to. 

Yesterday we went to the library and the bakery, as we often do on a Saturday. I bought a biscuit press from the charity shop next door to the bakery. It was £2 and I predict us getting a lot of use from it! It's a very quick and easy way of making many, many tiny biscuits and there are so many variations we could do. I will probably bake some more tonight ready for lunch boxes in the week. 

I didn't really know what I was after from the library this week, but I took out a book about botanical illustration, should I ever get the chance to give it a go, har har, and this really pretty book about decorating with pastels. It has a lot of pretty creative ideas and has made me want to get back to organising and decorating my home. It makes such a difference to your happiness having pleasant surroundings. 

We went for a long and very rainy walk this morning, and consequently lit our first fire of the year. It's not really cold enough, but our coats were soaked through and it seems the most practical and cost effective way of drying them. I got a crochet pan handle from the kitchen, but thought we'd be better off with a quilted one (which I then demonstrated by burning both of my thumbs while using the crochet one) and made this pretty pan handle, or trivet using a few scraps. I sorely regret giving away nearly a full bin bag of scrap fabric when we moved into this house. I guess it seemed the only practical thing to do at the time. I try to be more careful about what I let in and what I send out now. 

I started it by hand, but due to my sore thumbs finished it on the machine. It was nice to do a bit of hand sewing and made a change from knitting. 

Speaking of hand sewing, I did get around to nipping out a bit of the elastic from the skirt given to me by my friend, and that was the only alteration I needed to do. It'll be a lovely warm skirt for winter, and is just my taste. 

Cold feet

 This week I have knitted a couple of pairs of socks using the flat technique. I think it was Pam that gave me this book of patterns some time ago, and I have used it once or twice and got all enthused a couple of years ago, and then got distracted by something else instead. I don't particularly enjoy knitting socks, and for me it's not really worth it, however I do find the flat technique a bit more engaging, you make quite an interesting shape, and then have to seam it. I made a couple of really chunk aran pairs this week, and they will be just the job for after my sea dips. The girls have asked me to make some for them as well, so I will probably begin work on theirs next. I don't think I have any 4ply, and definitely don't have any sock yarn, so I will probably just use DK and they'll have to last as long as they last. 

The weather is getting cooler now and looks like it means to carry on. I don't mind, I was already well into Autumn mode. I cleared out my wardrobe and packed away all of my summer clothes, and filled it up with jumpers. I concluded that I probably have enough chunky knitwear now and must try and resist making more this winter. 

My friend did the same and gifted me a couple of things yesterday - A long turquoise shirt dress which I love and think will probably become my new uniform, alongside my purple dress which I wear almost every day and which is getting a little bit thin, a cotton antique chemise-type garment, and a mid-length floral corduroy skirt which it big on me, but I saw has a loose elastic waistband - I have unpicked a little gap and pulled the elastic out, I just need to snip a bit off and sew it back up. 

Yesterday I had a nice housey day before my knitting group in the evening, and made strawberry muffins for the girls afterschool, and the first sourdough in ages. 

Today I am visiting with a friend in Cwmgors after the school run, and I still have to make the lunches so I'd better hop to it!

Rearranging

 I've kept myself out of trouble again today, as indeed I think I will be for the foreseeable. Today was the day I decided to tackle the back room, or the room of requirement. It has had many incarnations since we moved here, but generally is the crafty, busy room. It has been my office since last Autumn, and since finishing work and being unwell seemed to morph instead into a landfill site. 

My shameful before picture.

I started by clearing off and cleaning my work desk, which I then luckily managed to rehome straight away to one of my neighbours. I had thought I would keep it, but I have a desk in the bedroom also, and I seem to have become so excessive always wanting more of this and more of that... That made a bit of space which we had intended to fill with a sideboard that lives in the cupboard under the stairs, as Will is planning to build shelving in there for shoes and boxes of hats, gloves etc. But once the desk was out and I'd had a rearrange of the furniture I found I really didn't want to add any more in there, so the sideboard has found a home upstairs instead. I think it will be a sensible place to keep all of my knitting supplies together. 

Besides that, I swapped around all of the furniture and painted below the dado rail white, which previously was *shudder* magnolia. I haven't done the window wall as I noticed there is a bit of penetrating damp down that corner of the house, and I need to call a Man to look at it. 

I am planning once I really start to get going with the cleaning to repaint all of the wood work in the house. The most dire of jobs, but it makes such a difference, and it's mostly in horrible condition here. 

I baked a cake yesterday for the girls lunchboxes. The plan is that I shall go back to making everything from scratch once again, as with the job I became lazy. Too much money + not enough time = buying rubbish to compensate. Anyway, instead of sprinkles I thought I'd enjoy decorating it instead, and spent a happy half hour. I am really trying to allow us all more time to take things slowly and enjoy the moment. Next week I will let the girls decorate it.

I am going to a swim in the sea tomorrow morning with a friend, and am really looking forward to it. I've only been for a few swims this summer, and mainly alone. My friend who I used to swim with once or twice a week started working which has restricted her time somewhat, and that combined with a social faux pas made by me a few months ago on a night out with her and her friend has made me feel quite strange and awkward about our friendship. A very harsh lesson in not trying to make jokes after a couple of pints of cider. That's a bit personal for this blog really, but I mention it because I've been thinking a lot on etiquette lately and how important it is. It is equally important to give people grace and not attribute malice to clumsiness. 

Enough of that. Finally, over the weekend Will started work on my pantry cupboard in the kitchen. He is going to put in another shelf, and a back as well, so that the cupboard accessible from the kitchen is separate from the one in the hallway. We weren't sure how to do the door, so I suggested just keeping a curtain there for now. We had a busy floral one from our old house up, but I scratched around and found this sheer peachy one instead which is ideal. I have since trimmed it down.

Onwards and upwards.

Tomatoes

 I decided today it's time to pull the plug on the tomatoes. The weather will only get wetter and sluggier, and to be honest I had no interest in the garden this year with work and didn't look after them well. A lot of these will I think ripen in the kitchen. Any that don't will be used as green tomatoes.

I haven't begun on anything new, but had a quick look through a couple of my books for a crochet pattern, and this one caught my eye. I'm not sure though if the girls are getting a bit old for that sort of thing, I think I may have missed my chance. For some reason I just couldn't get myself going with making clothes for the girls when they were small. I wish I had made more of an effort. There we are. they had a spectacular time as very little girls in the countryside, we all did, and things I think usually work out in the only way they can. 

The pattern is from this book, which belonged to Will's grandmother who passed away a couple of years ago. I liked her very much, she was a quiet, dignified woman who kept her thoughts to herself, and I liked that. To my shame, I asked for this book after Will's Grandfather also passed away last year - his Grandmother had lent this book to me as a young woman to help with my knitting technique, and I will always remember the kindness of this welcoming gesture - Will and I can have only been together for a year or so, and I doubt I had met her many times. I think of her often and wish I had known her better. She was in her nineties when she passed. Her and her husband led a very rich but simple life, and I think Will and I take a lot of strength and inspiration from the way they went about things. 

Soup mode

 I can't get into this second summer. I feel like if I do I'll be like those foolish flowers that bloom twice and then get snuffed out by the frost.

I finally finished the girls' two scrappy cardigans. Ivy's disappeared as soon as it was done, but imagine there are two. 

I had a rummage through my yarn looking for inspiration and found a couple of big-ish granny squares I'd apparently started at some point but had no idea what they were intended for, so carried them on and made a squishy vest in preparation for Autumn. 

I'll have to have another look tonight for something else to get my teeth into. I'm not sure what I want to make - the girls are after a crochet jumper each for winter but I need to buy the bulk of the wool for that and can't really buy anything this month. I might take stock of all I have and begin on little bits and bobs for Christmas presents. 

Speaking of Christmas, yesterday I got our sloe gin going, using sloes from last year that I found in the freezer. I have also put on some spiced pear vodka using pears from the garden. I don't know what I'm doing there, so we'll see how that on turns out. 

I had an extraordinarily busy day yesterday (which might explain why I fell asleep on the sofa for an hour this afternoon, and have a swollen throat and no voice today)

I finally emptied out the freezer in the utility room and listed that for sale - that's gone already, I listed it for just £20, I wanted it gone and I hope that it's helped someone out - and had a mega clean and reorganise of the utility room which had become so mucky and full and dark and grotty. I can't describe how different it is in there now, the room looks twice the size and is finally spotless. I did manage to take a before a couple of weeks ago, although this was already after I had sold the fridge. 

Bliss. 

Last night Ivy had her first ballet class in the studio at the theatre in town now that she has moved up classes. We all dropped her off, and then had a nice walk through the marina to the beach and then back again, and felt so lucky to live in such a place. 

This is a view of the civic centre, which is quite a remarkable building, the future of which is looking uncertain. I hope that it will be saved and put to some good use. 

Tomorrow looks like rain and my illness comes and goes like the tide. I think we might be having a housey day, Will has threatened to start work on the pantry cupboard in the kitchen, which would be a dream as I would like to keep my appliances there and get them out of the cupboard under the sink.

Loose ends

 Today has been one of my most sedentary days in recent history. Recovering from this bug seems to be two steps forward one step back, and while I felt a little better yesterday, today I am chesty and exhausted. I spent the morning tucking ends in on one of the girls' cardigans and watching Mad Men. I will have to leap into action this afternoon and at least do the washing up before I collect the girls. I had intended to make the hedgerow jelly today, but I would have to dig out and sterilise some jars and it all feels like too much.

I made a loaf of sourdough this morning. It looks the part and tastes the part, but the last two loaves haven't risen as well as they usually have been. I think I have been neglecting my starter and being a bit consistent the last couple of weeks, so perhaps that's all it is. 

I'm planning to take the girls to the park this afternoon so I might have the opportunity to tuck in some more ends. At the moment it feels as though they will be a week's work alone, and I'm so ready to be finished with these cardigans. 

I can't get no satisfaction

 I believe it's one of the worst afflictions possible, not to be able to appreciate and enjoy what you have in front of you, and instead always be looking over at what you don't have. 

I need to give myself a bit of a stern talking to this week. Whether it's a result of my being poorly for so long, and at a low ebb, or if it's because I've been looking at instagram again from time to time, I don't know, but I've begun to feel restless, and to dwell on the things that I don't have. After visiting Goodwick in West Wales - probably to most people an unremarkable little town, but one that we hold very dear - I have been yearning for some outdoor space of my own, and the connection and devotion to nature I felt when I had this before. I even found myself browsing for houses for sale (although kept it exclusively to fantasy, detached properties on clifftops that are triple, quadruple the value of our current house) and imagining my alternative life. 

Never underestimate all of the things that you don't have - they are limitless, and there will be no limit to your dissatisfaction.

I have had to give myself a sharp slap on the wrist and be reminded that I love my house, it is just a mess because I have been working, and then unwell for many weeks, I love my area, I love the beach and the parks here, and I love my community which is stronger and more loving here than I have felt anywhere in my life. In reality I'm not sure what could lure me away from all we have. 

I know the internet is the issue, and so much of the reason I left social media, particularly instagram, in the first place is that it feeds this aspiration and dissatisfaction. 

Will said a couple of days ago that he watched an interview with Paul Kingsnorth, where he made a point that the 7 deadly sins, which once were regarded as, well, sins, are now praised! Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride. I won't go into each one and how they are lorded in modern society, I think it's obvious. But it is worth saying that our greatest flaws and vices now are actively encouraged, of course to sell things to us. When I feed my envy or my greed or my pride, I am feeling dissatisfied and that I need more in my life. More land. A bigger house. A nicer neighbourhood. Prettier furnishings. Even in myself - I should be more attractive, funnier, thinner. My children should be better behaved, tidier, an extension of myself and my 'brand'. We are made into products that must constantly be maintained and improved upon. Our life is up for grabs. I must remind myself that mine is not. I must be content and live in the moment because this is it, this is the one life you get. It is brief and it is precious, and once you are gone it is only your love that lives on. 

I shan't reread that, and it may not make much sense but I felt I had some thoughts to get out there. Lets call enough enough of that. 

This week I am trying to hard to get the balance between resting and doing what must be done. I have been very poorly - my long, Dickensian type illness worsened and turned into an awful infection and I was laid up for a couple of days. I think I am improving but I still feel quite unwell and am very tired, and even the slightest bit of exertion knocks me for six. Yesterday with the girls back in school I spent much of the day rootling in cupboard in the lounge and hoovering up dust bunnies behind the sofa, and that is how some of my day today will be spent also. I am determined now to go through this house with a fine toothed comb, and to let that process take as long as it takes. I am not working outside of the home and I must make sure my time is put to good use. 

I also need to go out to the shop today to pick up some fruit for the girls and some sugar for jam - we picked hawthorn berries, elderberries and apples last week, and if I don't cook them today they'll go off. I also must get cash for the chimney sweep who is coming this afternoon, and then we will be ready for the colder months. 

I am making a real effort to walk as much as I can rather than driving, and it is so wonderfully liberating. The girls and I walked into town last week to run our errands and then caught the bus back, and we had a wonderful time. I am going to use my local (about a mile away) asian supermarket today for fruit and sugar rather than driving to a supermarket, or shopping at my local co-op which sells poor quality products at twice the price of bigger shops.  

When I watch the news these days I feel like the world is ending. I am trying, and must keep trying, to do all I can to make our family powerful and free.