In these hard times

 We work harder

I can't believe there are actually people saying the price rises are media hype, but there are. The money doesn't go as far. I'm not sure what we are going to do. I'm not sure where else we can save. I'm not sure what will happen when we renegotiate or mortgage next year and the interest rates have shot up. It's so impossible to see even a few months into the future now. Everything that felt secure isn't.

I am going to dig up some of our tiny garden and plant a victory garden. I hope it I can do that on the cheap/free it may help with some of the food costs. I need to get into batch cooking and being really organised. I will completely quit drinking, it was minimal anyway. I won't use the tumble dryer and will try to do less laundry. I don't know what else we can do. 

 Nobody is having the best time right now. The cost of lockdown crisis is beginning to take its toll on us. I do worry about it and how it is going to get worse. We have gone from being comfortable to not all that comfortable already and need to make some changes. That's okay, we are adaptable. What really upsets me every day is that we, and so many other people knew this would happen. objected to lockdowns and the so called covid response, tried to get people to see how stupid, pointless and damaging it all was, and were just, and still are, shouted down for our views. Lost friends. 

We couldn't tolerate the lockdowns, they really ruined things for us. In a way freed us because we were forced to see the cracks in our lives that were already there. We sold our house, chucked away the dream because it became a symbol of loneliness. I think a lot of people seemed to enjoy it though. Said as much. Said that they didn't like socialising anyway so this got them off the hook. Didn't like their jobs anyway so it was a blessing to have to stay at home. Liked wearing masks because people didn't talk to them at much. Just stay at home, watching telly and getting fatter. Get jabbed. Comply. How bad were they feeling before if this life was better? But still I do blame people, even people i know and love very much, and now we are all lying in the bed they made. 

Changing seasons

 In cwmgors the year and what we filled it with was so dictated by the seasons, and not just four of them, dozens of micro seasons. When you garden you notice every little difference and are always alert to the breath of change on the breeze.

It's different being back in the city. It creeps up on you more. Its not summer, and then it suddenly is summer. It's nowhere near autumn yet, but then soon it suddenly will be, very definitely, autumn. 

I do miss all of the gardening, all of that time outdoors just taking it in. Looking at every little plant, every little change in the space. I wonder if there is a way you can stay alert to it all while living in town. 

I've been crocheting again after a little break. I actually have a few things on the horizon I want to make. It's keeping me busy and I still find it so theraputic. It would be nice to find a knit and knatter or something to join at some point. Hazel goes to school all day in September and that really will be a big change. I have gone so wrong in so many ways, how amazing it will be to get back to a good place.

I can't get too excited about knitting at the moment. I printed the pattern for a short sleeved jumper but lost interest before I'd even bought all of the needles I needed, and crocheted one with the wool instead. I have been working on a jumper for my mum this week, which had been a bit of a labour of love as I need to make it smaller still, and getting the right stitch count has been a fiddle, but I'm getting there I think. After that I have a bigger project lined up. 

I have been absent lately partly because I fell into the pit of despair again. I'm working on it. I seem to have stopped drinking which is interesting and a good thing, and have even started taking vitamins. Now if I just work on getting literally any exercise I should be on my way.