Back to bedlam

It's been a good few days, and in a way a week of highs and lows because my mood has so been quite low and unsettled - I am putting this down to being at a cross roads in my life l, if I choose to be, which I do.

W and I went to see Patrick Wolf playing in Cardiff for the first time in 10 years. I know after placebo I said I was too old for gigs, but I've changed my mind. Seeing Patrick life is an experience that can only nourish. After some thinking I decided that I am also going to go on a solo adventure, somethingi never do, and something I think it's deranging me, and I have bought a ticket to go and see him play far away in Brighton at the end of June. 

We went on holiday over the weekend with family to Fishguard which was wonderful. It was really special to share all of our places with my mum. 

The girls built a sand village, complete with graveyard, which I think was highlight for them.

I still have one more coat of paint to do in the bedroom and curtain rails to buy but apart from that I'm about there. We had a shuffle around in the house, and Will's work table which I have been hankering after is now in the bedroom as a little desk for me. I am learning to draw corvid and have had some ideas... 

The little cats were absolutely love sick by the time we got home to them. 

And the new kitchen has arrived! It is absolutely everywhere, including halfway up the stairs. 

I hope I will have something more interesting to say soon, I really am trying to claim myself back. 

Out out

Last night we unexpectedly ended up going 'out out' in mumbles, and as a result today I felt quite ill and not powerful at all really. I have recovered somewhat now it is the evening and have had a nice, if unproductive day, doing our Sunday ritual of going to the swimming pool and then watching a nature documentary. 

This week is going to be mayhem if I'm not careful, so I'm looking forward to being super productive and making the most of my re-emerging energy. 

Today I am grateful for:

1. Recovering from my hangover

2. Having nice friends and a husband to go 'out out' with

3. A fantastic Easter break with the girls

4. Nice things to eat and drink

5. The wisdom of the tarot

Power colours

It's no secret that my energy has been at a bit of a low ebb for the past couple of years, it's been a rough time on the quiet. Redecorating this room has had me thinking again of how important your surroundings are and the effect that colours especially have on your frame of mind and energy levels. It's not a colour that I had expected to choose for the room, this bright blue, when thing else in the house is pale pink. But I felt a really strong intuitive pull to it, and listened to that, and I think it's because I could feel the energy it would give me.

It's got me to thinking about other rooms in the house and if there is a way I can decorate or redecorate them so that they are responding to and giving me more strength and power.

It put me in mind of one of my favourite films, the love witch, and how Elaine's flat is decorated in that - all colors drawn from the thoth tarot - and how her rooms represent and extension of her power. Lots of red and blue feature here as well. 

It's taking all my of strength not to start plastering everything in red paint now. 

I wonder if all of the pink I have decorated our house with had been a response to my depression and low energy, and craving comfort. Perhaps this is the light at the end of the tunnel! 

I have run out of wallpaper paste, again! So still have a few feet of wall to paper and paint, but I am definitely getting there. Watch this space, there might be more big changes coming up. 

Today I am grateful for:

1. Returning to myself

2. Beautiful sunshine

3. Will and the girls holding the fort and making lunch while I decorate

4. Patrick Wolf's new EP, which arrived thorough my door today

5. Power colours

Roll on spring

Today is my day off from work, and I am also taking a break from decorating the bedroom as I am honestly exhausted! I have put all of the decorating things to the sides as best I can and had a good old hoover, and we have moved back in. I will pick it up again in a day or two when my back has rested.

I have neglected all of my normal housework - between working 5 hours a day and decorating for the rest the house has descended into a state of chaos - so today will hopefully be a day off Getting Stuff Done. I have had a quick run around this morning, and now the girls have a friend to visit, so I will rest while I can and carry on in the afternoon! 

One job I did do was cleaning out the stove, as unless something dramatic happens I can't see us having another fire this year. Am I tempting fate? 

I had a quick look in the greenhouse and have quite a few things sprouting now. I didn't grow anything last year, and the year before we were moving so my garden was totally neglected then as well. I had almost forgotten about the magic of it. 

I felt a bit dreary and depressed at bedtime last night, thinking about the Easter holidays just gone and the summer holidays coming up, and how little time I have for the girls now with work. I feel better about it in the light of day, I only work three days a week and I am finished after lunch. It's not the end of the world. 

Today I am grateful for:

1. Things growing, spring coming

2. Wild garlic

3. Friends with children living nearby

4. The strength and energy to make my house nicer

5. My day off

Rising

My life is just about decorating this week! I have cut in and given two walls a second coat, so my job this afternoon is to move everything around and have a big tidy so I can get to work on the remaining walls. The pressure is on at next week we have visitors, then we are away for a couple of days, and then as soon as we get back the kitchen is arriving. 

Today I got out my tarot cards for the first time in months. My energy has been really low and I haven't wanted to touch them and sully them, I guess. But today I handled them for a while and drew a single card and felt really encouraged so I'm feeling really positive about using them again.

Off to work now, last day of the week for me. 

Today I am grateful for:

1. My tarot cards and the strong connection I feel to God and the earth, and feeling that strengthening again.

2. The storm has passed. 

3. I'm nearly half way through decorating the bedroom and still feeling strong. 

4. I have plenty of work to get on with today. 

5. The girls are full of joy and making things out of clay while I work. 

Moving forward

I have been thinking of Cwmgors a lot lately, and a lot on and off since the move I suppose. It's probably not very helpful for anyone doing this, and I really should try not to. I think I always will in the spring though as that was such a rich, exciting time in the countryside. We moved there at the end of February, so in my mind it will always be spring in cwmgors, nevermind the long, bleak winters. Strangely, despite it being such a big change for us, there wasn't really a period of adjustment when we moved there. I jumped straight into the gardening, loved owning my own home, had my gorgeous little baby who could grow up somewhere so safe and peaceful. I made a friend, Pam, the minute I stepped through the door and will always be grateful for the love and support she showed me, and still miss her. It's a shame it didn't work out as a forever home, but for what it was it was perfect. 

Moving on, after a stormy a noisy night, especially as we were sleeping in the sea-facing part of the house, it is a beautiful bright Swansea morning. My fruit trees and greenhouse have survived, the girls are fed and playing, I've brewed a pot of coffee and I'm ready to start work. 

I have proverbs 31 pinned to my wall by my desk, as an attempt to try and remind me of why I am doing this, and that all work is sacred and important. 

I had a very busy day yesterday- I have now stripped 3 out of 4 walls in the bedroom, papered 2 and a half, and rollered them with the first coat of very blue paint. I am picking up more paper, paste and some new brushes for cutting in from b&q later today. In a way it is a terrible time to start a project like this, with the kitchen coming in a fortnight and also needing to be cleared out and stripped, but I think the time pressure helps. I feel as though I've been living in a vacuum a bit for the last year or so. Without the gardens and the seasons my sense of meaning had drifted a way a bit. 

I need to decide whether I am going to my knitting group this evening or not, I went last week but felt so tired and anti social, and I feel quite devoted to the house and getting it sorted at the moment.

Today I am grateful for :

1. Beautiful seasidey sunshine

2. Memories of wonderful friends

3. Bedroom well on its way to being a tidy, restful space

4. Veg box delivery today, which I will be sensible and put away after work, and use up any of last week's leftovers

5. My knitting group of lovely new friends

A lovely cup of coffee

Just one little extra thing. This week I had a lovely surprise. After talking briefly with a mum friend in the park about a coffee roaster she used to like in London, that evening she knocked on my door bearing a bag of the same coffee, which she had also ground for me, knowing that I don't own a coffee grinder. I was so touched by this thoughtful gift. It has been lovely coffee which I have savoured and enjoyed from my favourite cup. I used to be so much better at being grateful for all of my countless blessings. I think in the last few years I have become spoiled and grumpy and perhaps stopping to recognise and be grateful for all that I have would be a good thing to do for a while.

Today I am grateful for:

1. My lovely cup of coffee

2. This job which allows me to sleep at night without worrying about money (too much) 

3. Owning a house with a spare room so that I can decorate our bedroom at my own pace

4. The girls, always

5. My first seedling had sprouted in my tiny greenhouse - I believe it is a lupin

Back to it

For the most part we've had a quite idyllic Easter weekend. Lots of time spent together, a couple of fun adventures, very little time spent in the car, beach, parks, ice cream and lots of relaxing.

Then yesterday on Easter Monday which I anyways consider the bonus wildcard day I set to work on our bedroom. I actually started stripping the wallpaper last year but gave up after one wall. It is a large room with several layers of textured wallpaper and woodchip. Yesterday I striped a second wall and made good and began papering. In an odd turn off events I have decided to replace thy ancient anaglypta wallpaper with... Anaglypta wallpaper. But either Stockholm syndrome or some other phenomena, I've started to like it and feel like it rather suits the house after all.  

There are two more walls left to strip-they are the 'easier' walls with no windows or alcoves and only one door. I will need to move some very heavy furniture to get at them which is why I am doing this in phases, but I am optimistic that if I keep up the energy I might get it done by the end of the week. Just as well because the new kitchen is coming in a fortnight and I need to empty that and strip the wallpaper in there as well. 

Now it's back to work after the Easter break. I've got a load of laundry in to wash and one in the dryer, done the washing up and had a pot of coffee. The girls bless them are busy busy and very understanding about being abandoned while I work for half the week. Now I'd better get on and try and remember what it is I do! 

In and out

Here I am again then. No progress on the laptop but will has replaced my phone screen (again) so that I'm not completely out of the loop.

I don't know if there is much to say this week. Whether it's a a result of my technology all breaking or if it was a direction I was going in anyway, I've had a pretty antisocial couple of weeks and am just feeling like I want to go to ground and be left well alone.

As I mentioned in my last, I am being mindful of my drinking (problem?), and what this had looked like so far is compely abstaining, which has been quite difficult actually. As a result though I have discovered a new lovely drink which is shrub, and have made two batches at home-one blackberry, which mainly tastes of vinegar, and one strawberry which tastes very much of strawberry and is delicious.

Decluttering has continued although not in such a disciplined way without making myself accountable with the blog. We had a big clear out in the garden to make it tidy and usable for spring- I'm always amazed by how much can accumulate while you aren't looking-and I treated myself to a mini greenhouse in the hope that I can finally regain some of my enthusiasm for gardening after the heartbreak of leaving the old place.

I have also learnt to make sauerkraut this month which has been oddly thrilling

I'm not sure where this is going, I'm in a very funny place at the minute. I'm bursting with something but not sure what. Be back when I have something to say.