That time of year again that I make a bunch of resolutions to improve my life and situation, and then discover that as a woman in her 30s I am who I am and anything that requires a significant change in character is impossible.
That being said however, this year has been the year that I have truly realised that changing your situation, or your habits, will cause an involuntary change in your character over time, whether for better or worse.
In many ways this year has been a struggle. It's been a struggle globally, which is also a struggle personally, but in addition to that it has also been a struggle personally, with my Mum's terrible illness, and taking on (then eventually leaving) a job, which for reasons I'm still not clear on, drove me to the edge of my sanity. We have had smaller upheavals and disasters as well, as you always Will. Will's Dad passed away suddenly. Will is going to be beginning a new job, on a much lower salary, that is daunting. The house, and houses do, needs this and that done to it, some pressing, all unaffordable right now. I'm the mother of two young girls growing up in a time and culture I feel increasingly at odds with. That and a myriad of further little traumas. In among all of this however have been a few good changes I have made this year. I have started going to my knitting group at a local bar, basically every week, and have made firm friends, as well as improving my knitting. The confidence this has given me encouraged me to reach out to more women in my community and I have made friends with a lot of the mums as well. Off the back of this, I got chatting to a friend at knitting about sea swimming and she was interested in joining me, so we have made this a regular event, two or three times a week, rain or shine, to go in the sea. Word got around and a fair few of the mum friend's I have made have also begun joining us on occasion. With my newfound strength and resilience I suggested to Will that instead of a daily walk, we do a daily run, so we have regularly, 3or 4 times a week, been running 5km. As a result of all of that, I think, I haven't had a cold this autumn and winter, for the first time I can remember, and feel more able to deal with the shit this year has thrown at me. I'm at the end of the year and for once looking forward with optimism, knowing I have all of these new tools in my toolbox.
