Fourth Thursday in July

 Still ruminating on home educating 24 hours a day, I dream about it. I am so certain of the benefits but have such reservation when I start to worry about all of the things that might not work out. 

I will say though that we're a week into the summer holidays and my eldest is already so much more relaxed, so much more herself. We have started nature journals for the summer which she has been very keen to work on, and has been coming up with ideas for activities. She has been practicing her drawing and is amazing me with patience and skill which I certainly didn't possess at her age, though I wished I did. 

This week we have been on a bug hunting walk with one of the girls' friends, we have been to the park a couple of times and my youngest is getting more and more confident with her birthday roller skates, we have done drawing in the garden, we have come up with a pocket money challenge & decided on suitable chores, we have played board games, we have read and relaxed, we have visited a friend's house for supper. 

The only fly in the ointment in the holidays so far is that I have somehow injured my hip. It was bad yesterday and it's worse today, I'm not sleeping and can barely get about. I've decided to take pain killers today for some relief and so that we can hopefully make the most of the day with a sea swim, which I'm hoping will also help. Tomorrow we need to go to the library and there is also an outdoor playscheme for a couple of hours at the community farm which I'm keen to take the girls to. 

We are busy but relaxed. The thought that it could feel this way always is a cheerful one. 

Second Sunday in July

 We had a lovely sail this morning, and had a real taste of that beautiful feeling of freedom we used to have out on the boat. It made me desperate to get out again as soon as possible, although I'm not sure when that'll be!

Final week at school. My youngest's birthday on Tuesday so I would like to spend tomorrow in a whirlwind of activity baking and decorating. 

Second Saturday in July

 I think I am seriously considering home educating the girls. I am seriously considering it, until they say they've had a nice day at school, and then all of my resolve crumbles. 

It's something that has always been an option, and has lurked at the back of my mind for the girls' whole lives. But for one reason or other, school seemed like the best option. I think when my oldest was school age we decided to send her to Welsh medium school, and felt like I couldn't teach her Welsh properly, so that would be the best thing. But since moving, she doesn't go to Welsh school anymore, so that has gone out of the window.

Socialising of course, the word every home educator hates. That's something children can't do without, and I know this because I've seen the alternative, seen parents who home educate, and then haven't made the effort to get their kids out and about. The girls have always been super social, before school age I took them to clubs almost every day, so school seemed ideal as it would just happen by inertia. And it has in a way. But it's not always been easy - if your children don't make firm friends with the people in their class for any reason, there aren't a whole lot of other options, and that's certainly something my oldest has struggled with through no fault of her own. She has friends now, quite a few of them, but I'm not sure she's thriving even so.

There was also the worry that I might not possess the knowledge or skills required to give my children a full education. Seeing school in action now, and how limited their resources and how rigid their teaching is, although they may be equipped to teach children, I'm certain they are not going about it in the most effective way. I'm sure I can learn. 

One of the biggest things that weighs on my mind, especially as the girls get older, is that I brought these two people into the world and was with them all day every day until they were school age, and now I have all but given them away, palmed them off onto the state, and I have so much regret. I feel robbed, actually, except I gave them away freely and eagerly. I can't get those years back, and there is a distance between my children and I that I think needs to be mended before they reach their difficult pre-teen and teenage years. 

It's still a thought, rattling around in my head, all day and all night. We all have the summer holidays, to try it out, as it were. All I know is that if I imagine a future where they are home educated, despite the difficulties that will come with that, I feel hopeful for them. If I imagine a future where they stay at school, I feel despair. 

First Tuesday in July

Feeling uncommonly tired a lot of the time, and needing little powernaps in the afternoon. 

Today we have been in this house for three years. Both feels like we've always been here, and also like we've only just unloaded the van. It felt like such a long time we were in the last place, but that was only four years. A long, slow, golden time. 

I keep putting off and putting off the food shop so our meals are getting weirder and weirder. I will do it in the week now, I need to make a meal plan this evening and then I want to spread it over a few different shops.

I think I'm coming down with something actually.