Blimey, whinge whinge, moan moan, I'm a barrel of laughs aren't I? I don't know what got into me in my last post.
Anyway, it has been a really positive couple of weeks in lots of ways. I have started to feel a little bit better in myself and have begun tackling some of the jobs that have needed doing in the house and garden, including clearing and planting up the polytunnel for winter, transforming the little room from my dusty, unloved studio into a sweet, albeit teeny weeny guest bedroom, and touching up some of the scruffy paint on the walls about the house. Lots left to do, but I'm quite determined to keep up the momentum and get as many of my jobs finished before winter so that I can spend a little time sewing and making in the evenings instead.
Another very bright note is that I have been back in touch with a very dear friend who I have not seen for some months. As well as the pleasure of seeing her and feeling the brightness that we bring into one another's lives, it has also been an eye opening experience into why you should never be afraid to reach out. I think that I have helped her, and she has helped me more than she knows.
I have done absolutely zip to prepare for these Christmas markets, the soonest of which is approaching in about a month. I seriously need to remedy this, I guess I am just waiting for inspiration to strike. But a very positive thing is that I have been scratching around the house for things to sell on ebay and have certainly made enough money to cover the costs of having cards and prints made for the sale, which I obviously hope to recoup.
Actually I have had a bit of a moment with regards to money and saving. I don't know what happened to change things. We have always tried to be careful with money but it is still sometimes a struggle, and various events in the past few months like cars breaking led to our savings being completely depleted. After a bit of a think recently I realised that, probably for the first time, I really don't want anything. I don't want to wear fancy clothes or name brands. I don't want more books than I can read, or make up or jewellery or trinkets. Actually I have been having a bit of a detox from everything, just wearing the same few items of clothing over and over, not wearing any jewellery apart from my wedding ring, tying my hair in a bun every day, walking everywhere I can, and even barely listening to music which I have always done every day. It has felt very nice indeed and has been a striking exercise in learning what I am quite happy to do without. I think when you are very young you are searching for identity, and for ways to express your identity for others, so that you become like a walking advert of your own personal brand. Lately this has all felt too silly for words. But what a positive revelation this has been for me, and it has meant that not only have I saved twice as much this month as usual, I have also made an additional £200 (half of which will be saved, the other half will be spent on having cards made - then any profits from that will also be saved) just by scouring the house and removing anything flashy. I am not finished yet either, as I keep coming across remnants of our past life living and working in London, earning big(ish) bucks, and buying expensive things because I was unhappy. All of that and we haven't been without anything, in fact have just had more time and enthusiasm to fix and make nice all that we already have.
Anyway, I don't know where this is going, I have rambled quite enough. Now I must go and finish folding laundry before it's time to pick up Ivy from school. We are visiting another friend who I have not seen for several months in Swansea today.
I hope in time being kind and loving will just be a part of my being. Sometimes I think I have let that muscle become rather weak.
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