We have moved house. Moving isn't really a big deal to everyone, but it is to me. I have lived in 16 houses in my life, and, naively probably, I thought we would stay in the last one for a long time, if not forever.
The last time I really used this blog was in 2019 when I was still in my 20s. I turned 30 during lockdown (well, between lockdowns), and it turned out to be a bit of a pivotal moment. Having been miserable for quite a few months we finally went on our delayed holiday to Fishguard, and realised, from the comparison really, how unhappy we had been feeling in Cwmgors. I was also trying to organise a birthday night out for myself, to find that noone cared enough to come. I don't say this out of pity for myself, I'm quite over it now, but it was really important because it made me realise that although I felt like I was quite tied up with the community and had at least a few friends, that was a bit of a delusion. After 4 years I was still a newcomer in a village with little to no community in the first place. Will asked the big question, 'what is there to keep us in cwmgors?' and in the end we couldn't really come up with much. Followed were a couple of miserable months after realising that we had gone after the wrong dream, but also that we really didn't have anywhere else to go.
Luckily we then visited friends in Swansea, and realised quite suddenly that we could always go back. We swiftly put our house on the market, sold the dear thing very quickly, and were extremely lucky to find a, very very shabby but, affordable house in the exact area we wanted to live. We moved in July last year and are still fixing the poor thing up.
It is a terraced house in a densely packed studenty area with a postage stamp sized garden, and pretty much the opposite of everything we ever dreamed of, but so far seems to be the right fit.We are a 5 minute walk from the beach and the parks, on the same road as the girls school, Will and the girls get out to clubs and are meeting friends, and people say hi to me in the street. The move hit Ivy and I the hardest, and honestly we are still healing, but we are getting there. I have lost a lot, all really, of my confidence. But I have faith now that things can get better.
There isn't a loot of extra time, especially now, after taking a break over winter, I am getting back to the renovating/decorating. But with a smaller garden to worry about I am finding that there is more time for fun, and I have even been getting back to doing a little sewing, knitting and crochet. I have a few projects lined up and I am looking forward to getting better at things.
I have had my bike repaired (easier to do in Swansea) and cycle to town to do my shopping in the market now. It is much easier to buy locally and low/zero waste, and these things seem to matter more now that I'm not surrounded by a culture of apathy.
I lost my studio in the garden of course, but this house is bigger than our last one and I have a room in the house to use for my studio, so I am planning to start making art again in earnest, especially once Hazel is full time in school in September.
Now that we are over the hump I am trying to make it a priority to get healthy, cut down on drinking, which honestly has become a bit of a crutch in the last couple of years, meet some new friends, get out to the beach lots, swim in the sea, make clothes, make art, actually enjoy my life again.
Also, we bought a boat.
I am hoping that with all that's going on I will find the time and motivation to use this blog, which I started using 8 years ago during a similar phase of my life. Even if I am just talking into the void, it feels good to be talking rather than just gritting my teeth and getting through life.
When I work out how to get pictures on here I will post some photographs of recent jumpers I have made. It has been a pleasure to be completing projects, something I actually didn't manage in the whole four years we lived in Cwmgors.
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