Stuffed

These last few months I have felt 'stuffed out' in a way that I never have before. Although there have been many, many times in the past where I have felt that my life is too cluttered, or my house is too cluttered, and I need to have a clear-out, this is something subtly different. When I think about stuff I feel quite unwell, and when I think about the production and consumption of more stuff that is going on around me all the time I get the sweats. 

It is upsetting me so much and bringing about such a feeling of existential threat that I don't want to even dwell on it and write about it at length here. Fair enough to say it is a very real, very visceral and instinctive feeling and one that I cannot ignore. 

I know that the only possible answer can be to throw myself into the life that I am living right now, and to be present in the love and life and joy that surround me every day. In many ways the last few months have been like a living death, and time passes on anyway. 

I would like, instead of ruminating and spending sleepless nights, to return to my former way of living where I accepted all of this badness going on around me, and did my best to live a good life amidst it. That is how this blog began in the first place. 

Moving on from that, I'm trying to keep myself out of trouble and have been sorting out my home in bits and bobs. Today I spent the afternoon going through a couple of drawers in my bedroom which have just become dumps, and have found a few missing things, a few forgotten things, and a fair bit of rubbish too. 

A couple of days ago we went to a big charity shop in town, looking for an iron actually, though we didn't find one, and picked up a number of cones of mohair type yarn, and the below double bedsheet. Checking the label, it was originally from matalan, and the fabric is pretty cheap and nasty, but I love the prints and I think if I line it it will be perfectly usable. I have even ordered a dress pattern with some birthday money from my Dad and am looking forward to taking my time on it. Just need that iron now.. 
I generally wear more oversized tenty-type dresses, so have ordered a pattern that is a little more fitted and smart for a change. 

Now it's time I was off to get the girls. 

This evening I am repainting the hall floor, as you see in the picture above that's a job long overdue. I think I saw some floor varnish in the shed so will finish it this time, and hopefully the paint job, with care, will last longer.