Suffering this week from a general unnamed dread, probably caused in part by holidaying with family and the usual tensions that brings, an afternoon at a friends house where they talked relentlessly about the apocalyptic future they are certain is on the near horizon, and various other minor but frequent daily upsets and anxieties. Generally lately I have been feeling more settled and secure so I am hoping that's a feeling I can recapture and retrain in myself and this current horror will be short lived. We have been taught to fear so much in recent years. Before the lockdowns I was afraid of nothing. I keep thinking of the Proverbs 31 wife who laughs without fear of the future. I know I would find comfort if I read more. These are not the darkest times.
I would have been volunteering today but I have let them know I won't make it as I have so much to catch up on at home this week after being away, and I think if I can get my house in order my mind will soon follow. I woke up in the night with no recognition at all of my room, my husband, or myself. Something in me is overtaxed.
Probably for all of the same reasons I am finding a shift in my clothing preferences in these last few weeks and months. Where I have been de-Stuffing a lot in my house (and need to carry on that process which has stalled lately), now my mind turns to my wardrobe, which although is now no longer extensive, still presents me with too much choice. I'm interested in putting together a sort of 'uniform', where I can just pick anything from my wardrobe without needing to um and ah, and it will all be interchangable. With the exception of Church and meeting friends I can happily live in either cycle shorts or leggings with a long t-shirt for most of the year. I have a few very nice skirts and a couple of blouses that are perfect for Church. I have made a few purchases lately to bulk out my 'uniform', so in a way my wardrobe has increased, but I am hoping the result will be less choice and dilemma. Lately I have bought:
Thick maroon Regatta fleece - £7 Vinted **
Bright pink fleece lined Lazy Jacks gilet - £7 charity shop
Vibram walking shoes & okabashi flip flops - gifts from my Stepmum
Mountain warehouse trainers - £35-ish in the sale
Mountain warehouse mary jane-type walking shoes - about £15 with postage from ebay
3 or 4 long sleeved stripey t-shirts from various charity shoes - £2-3 each
12l backpack - £19.99 from Mountain Warehouse
White Stuff maroon treggings - £18 ish from ebay. I thought it would be good to own a proper, smart-ish pair of trousers. They are okay, I had to take them in at the waist.
Now of course I'm feeling pretty guilty about making so many purchases, however of course the hope is that now I shouldn't really have to buy anything for the forseeable. My plan is to pack most of my other clothes away, not to get rid of initially, but into a box under the bed, and see how this new approach works out. I just want to be warm and comfy and to not really think about clothes.
Time to go, I have everything to do. The main thing I want to get done is to tidy the girls' room from top to toe, I think it's gotten on top of them a bit.
**(I downloaded vinted to see if I could work out how to sell a few things. I probably won't in the event, but I have been hunting for a fleece the same as one I used to own and donated years ago, and managed to find one, albeit in a different colour. Once it arrives I will delete vinted as don't really want to get into all that)
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