Second Saturday in July

 I think I am seriously considering home educating the girls. I am seriously considering it, until they say they've had a nice day at school, and then all of my resolve crumbles. 

It's something that has always been an option, and has lurked at the back of my mind for the girls' whole lives. But for one reason or other, school seemed like the best option. I think when my oldest was school age we decided to send her to Welsh medium school, and felt like I couldn't teach her Welsh properly, so that would be the best thing. But since moving, she doesn't go to Welsh school anymore, so that has gone out of the window.

Socialising of course, the word every home educator hates. That's something children can't do without, and I know this because I've seen the alternative, seen parents who home educate, and then haven't made the effort to get their kids out and about. The girls have always been super social, before school age I took them to clubs almost every day, so school seemed ideal as it would just happen by inertia. And it has in a way. But it's not always been easy - if your children don't make firm friends with the people in their class for any reason, there aren't a whole lot of other options, and that's certainly something my oldest has struggled with through no fault of her own. She has friends now, quite a few of them, but I'm not sure she's thriving even so.

There was also the worry that I might not possess the knowledge or skills required to give my children a full education. Seeing school in action now, and how limited their resources and how rigid their teaching is, although they may be equipped to teach children, I'm certain they are not going about it in the most effective way. I'm sure I can learn. 

One of the biggest things that weighs on my mind, especially as the girls get older, is that I brought these two people into the world and was with them all day every day until they were school age, and now I have all but given them away, palmed them off onto the state, and I have so much regret. I feel robbed, actually, except I gave them away freely and eagerly. I can't get those years back, and there is a distance between my children and I that I think needs to be mended before they reach their difficult pre-teen and teenage years. 

It's still a thought, rattling around in my head, all day and all night. We all have the summer holidays, to try it out, as it were. All I know is that if I imagine a future where they are home educated, despite the difficulties that will come with that, I feel hopeful for them. If I imagine a future where they stay at school, I feel despair.