Coming to the end of May now, another month gone by. I'm spending too much time on the computer doing nothing. Today I am starting a volunteering role. I'll be doing it one full day a week, so about 5.5 hours to allow for school times. When I first thought about it I thought maybe that will be too big a commitment. Then I thought I probably spend 5.5 hours a week on the computer doing nothing, and imagine how my life might change if I didn't. Perhaps my house would be clean, perhaps I would have time and energy to be creative, perhaps I wouldn't be so grumpy and distracted. We are given all of these opportunities again and again to see where things are falling down and to make them better.
Yesterday I went and saw a car and have decided to buy it. It seems like a good little car, and the boredom of looking at cars on the internet is too much for me, I'm glad to not have to do that anymore. Picking it up on Saturday.
Although this is a rather contrived idea, as well as costing money and effort, I would like to do an experiment. Invest in a few items of very plain clothing. A little capsule wardrobe of things that are comfy, practical, and all can be worn together, and pack away my existing wardrobe somewhere. I'd like to give it a few months of just wearing my 15 or so plain items and see if I feel any less like myself. Because I think that for my whole life I have used clothes and appearance as a crutch and have relied on them to demonstrate who I am, or who I want people to think I am, rather than my own character. Perhaps it doesn't need to be an experiment, perhaps this is where I have come to in my life. I've already arrived here. The only problem is I have spent so long wearing silly clothes that I feel self-conscious in jeans and a t-shirt.
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